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1 Million Reasons Why God Loves Rockford – #1,000,000: Trees
An Eternal List For Rockford, by God
#1,000,000 /#1,000,000 reasons why I, God, almighty Lord on high, Jesus’s Dad, your Mother, Father, Son and Holy Ghost Stuff of all creations loves Rockford, IL: Trees.
A long, long time ago I became overwhelmed with what I had created, you see. Some living objects started to live much longer than others. (This wasn’t a part of My plan.) Turtles used to be able to live forever. Not anymore. One of my greatest creations were Trees. They have survived so much sh*t. Mankind, what was once my greatest creation, has in-turn put trees, my millionth reason to love Rockford, through so much duress.
Skip ahead a few light years, I am now faced with an overwhelming dilemma regarding trees. I had created the ice age to kill off a serious problem I was over-seeing at the time– primates, they still being one of the more brilliant experiments I’ve created to survive multiple weather patterns. However, primates started developing into war mongering neanderthals. I had to do something and couldn’t lose trees.
I packed up my lumber and did the damage. Earth and Rockford, IL, froze over at my command.
Skip ahead another few light years, I now needed a place to put back the trees I created for the primates. I scattered them everywhere, but towards the tail end of My global distribution of trees, I realized I had made another mistake: The St. Louis Arch.
Rather than pondering where to plant that piece of garbage, I had my angels drop it right down in the middle of nowhere. On the same trip that they My angels made, an extra assortment of trees were used as a bed for the metal arch to rest on. My angels had accidently dumped the entire load of trees on what is now Rockford, IL, on their return to heaven. Hence the city’s nickname, “The Forest City”.
I’d like to clarify one thing: It was a giant mistake that we made centuries ago that I nor My angels cleaned up. Those trees were supposed to head over to what is now known as Arizona and Ethiopia. My bad.
Til next time, thanks for reading this on the internet. I love you, Rockford.
Bye,
God
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