Strawberry Valley Boy Slams Dead Squirrel Against City Hall

Strawberry Valley, IL – Police in Strawberry Valley says a child– who must have been angry about a dead squirrel left on a street– took a bloody rodent carcass to City Hall, and angrily slammed it against the building’s doors.

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Fortunate Artists Pray For City’s Salvation

Rockford, IL – Artists throughout Rockford, IL, have been gathering at Davis Park for about 5 years to pray for their city’s resurrection from the pits of economic hell. “Most of us have been creating from a heavenly, righteous place

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WRAX Loses Beautiful News Model, Jenny Whirley

Rockford, IL – Local TV station, WRAX, and all of Rockford, IL, mainly the men, are very sad to say goodbye to one of their nicest news models.  Jenny Whirley came to our ugly town in 2011 with the brightest

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Two Turkeys Mating Stops Traffic, Again

Rockford, IL – Traffic came to a sudden halt, again, at the 4500 block of Spring Creek Road as two wild turkeys decided to take turns riding each other. Turkey experts were on the scene in seconds to declare the

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Armed Teacher Surrenders to Police after Machesney Park Standoff

MACHESNEY PARK, IL — An armed  Machesney Park school teacher surrendered to police this afternoon after a four and-a-half hour standoff at a local school. Denise Hornitas, 32, had barricaded herself inside her classroom, in a grade school north of

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Strong, Local, Women Giving Birth Alone

Rockford, IL – Robin Swanson, 36, knew she was strong woman.  She worked out with a personal trainer for 13 years before she met Franklin Murski.  She and Frank dated for 3 months before she got pregnant, and then Frank

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