Tom Cruise Not Moving to Rockford, IL – Downtown Scientology Hotel On Hold

Rockford, IL – Sources close to Thom Cruise have confirmed that he is not moving to Rockford, IL, to redevelop abandoned downtown buildings. Gorman and Mayor Barry have been targeting Chinese investors and Tom Cruz to establish a Scientology Tech Center Hotel in

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Local Belief Escalates While National Hope Fades

Rockford, IL – A new study conducted by the Winnebago County Emotional Awareness Political Science Council (WCEAPSC) released a report this week proving that local “Belief” is skyrocketing.  Not all that glitters is gold outside of the Rockford region as national

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Illinois mandates entrance fees for all city parks

ROCKFORD — Be prepared to pay if you’re headed to our city’s parks and recreation areas this summer. After a six-year moratorium, the federal government is charging admission at all of its city parks and public lands and raising the

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Rockford’s Bagel Crisis Intensifies Protests turn Violent

“Panera? PANERA BREAD! NO! God Damn it, NO!!! I want a real fuckin’ Bagel!” Mayor Barry proclaims as he joins a group of protesters, flipping over a car, outside City Hall. It was Courtney’s birthday. She didn’t want to bring

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Turkey Vulture Mutilates 4-Year-Old Girl

Rockford, IL – RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) were called at 4:35 PM yesterday after neighbors heard Cathleen Buchareli, the mother of two, screaming for help. The situation is unheard-of and tragic, as turkey assaults are not as common as human

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Aveeno Make Positively Radiant Rockford Cream

Rockford, IL –   Some time you use cream with ice sometime you use cream with rockford sometime Aveeno make special POSITBE AND RADIATN rockfoajr hair crean hahaha put it on your face to learn more and know less mister

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