Breaking News

6/25: Cause of Downtown Rockford Fire Revealed

Michael, a Magic Fire Dragon, is being blamed as the root cause of the horrific events that occurred on June 25th, 2017 in downtown Rockford, IL. Michael is a descendent of Gorak, Lord of the 6th Dimension, who has terrorized Rockfordians on behalf of his Lord’s orders for ages.  Some believe that Gorak was not in favor of the empty building becoming the west side location for the brand new restaurant, Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök.  Plans to proceed with the ristorante’s east side downtown location are still on track for a grand summer opening.

An online call to arms has been mandated by Rockford’s City Council with all in favor of finding Michael, a Magic Fire Dragon:

“We must capture Michael— alive, not dead.  Once we find Michael the Magic Fire Dragon, we can proceed to negotiate with Gorak for control of Rockford’s future once and for all. This is internet war.”

– Charley Swanson, City of Rockford’s Tourism Director of Social Media Marketing, 32.



Related Articles

Woman hits Chicken in 1986 or 87

I found this on Craigslist and changed a few things it was funny to me … ROCKFORD—- I have been

Rockford Dream Police Hunt For Grape-Flavored Drugs

Around 2 PM today, several officers were en route to the area of Springfield and Safford, near a tree line and a stone structure, for a possible sighting of a pallet of marijuana. Initial scanner traffic said a local resident spotted a suspicious object falling from the sky attached to a white parachute…

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.