Canadian Geese Surprisingly Unapologetic For All Their Shit (NSFW)

Canadian Geese Surprisingly Unapologetic For All Their Shit (NSFW)

Becky’s mad! Sarah’s pissed off! Ralph’s as salty as a French fry!

We asked your fellow Rockfordians, with names you’re familiar with, how they feel about all the goose poop in Rockford. They’re pissed about the poo! They used lots off dirty language- their favorite language, to tell us all about it.

“I just want to catch ’em all without having to look away from my phone. Not to mention, The smell of goose shit baking on hot black-top drives me up the fucking wall!”
-Jake, 36

“Goose poop ruined my daughter’s quinceanera and gave her pink eye. She missed so much school that she was held back another year and eventually dropped out. Now she works at Arby’s.”
-Jen, 37
(Bullshit! she looked at least 50)

One of my customers found a goose shit in her gyro and called the police on us. I had to pay them double my usual bribe!”
Nick, 61

It’s hard to deny that geese have been causing the Rockford internet community more stress than usual. It seems we can’t go one day without an internet goose pooping up on our news feed. Thankfully, our fearless leaders have been working on multiple solutions. This spring 10 grey wolves were reintroduced into Sinnissippi Park to help eliminate the geese. Just last week, Mayor Berry establish the Seth Atwood Goose Hunting Grounds near the Discovery Center Museum. Recently officials purchased 8 tons of sarin gas from the military surplus store on Forest Hills, which they will spray in selective areas around the city- the west side of the city- starting this fall.

“When it’s all said and done- (more likely not done) it is estimated that Rockford will have spent 45,000,000 yen on the final goose solution.”
-Berry, 46

The Canadian shit stackers at Levings Lake in downtown Rockford

The Canadian shit stackers at Levings Lake in downtown Rockford

You’d think the Canadian geese would be pretty sorry for all their shit! However, it seems that, like most of us in Rockford, they have betrayed their natural instincts and feel no remorse. They waddle stubbornly forward, with no regard for others. They like and share without a second thought and block anything that doesn’t line up with their shity views. They don’t care if Rockford is ever great for America on the internet again.


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