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State’s Attorney Says No To Squirt Guns, Yes To Vowels
Rockford, IL- State’s Attorney, Joe Bruscato, disappointed the Winnebago County Board and many local Caucasians last night by telling them that he does not support Conceal Carry of Squirt Guns. The room appeared disgruntled and quite pasty with his opinions.
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Local Woman Invents Fashion Style, Snakenails, Hits LA and NY
Greta Gustafasson accidentally invented “Snakenails” in Rockford, IL, after her pet Boa died. The world’s oyster, lots of money, and popular demand for her stylish invention are now her’s to share with everyone. A local Rockford woman has combined her
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Freeport Alderman to Vote on Mayoral “Bagel Tax”
“When we have foreign dignitaries from Rockford and Beloit stop by, I like to have the nicest Freeport grown coffee beans and grounds, and bagels, and maybe some nice little cookies for them. It’s a nice gesture,” says…
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iPhone 5 Expected To Bring Local Jobs
Apple is holding a national event today at which the iPhone 5 is expected to be announced. Fans of the iPhone have been holding off on purchases in anticipation of the new version…
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