Education
Back to homepageSPECIAL REPORT: Where Were You When Rockford Scanner Lost Its Sh*t?
By Andy Whorehall, Guest Contributor I was taking a mid-afternoon shit – patiently taking care of the morning coffee and corn casserole flow from earlier in the day– when a text message came through from a friend alerting me of local
Read MoreApplebees Reports That Teachers Who Do Art Together Get Drunk Together in The Rockford
Rockford, IL – A new study conducted by the Applebees chain headquarters with administrative officials from The Rockford School District have concluded that it’s extremely likely that “87% of The Rockford teachers who do art together after-hours eventually get drunk together and
Read MoreRockford Aldermen Vote To Forgive Student Loans Acquired By Anyone Born in Rockford after 1968
Rockford, IL – Anyone with student loans living as a citizen in the Rockford, IL and Winnebago County region are getting a pass from Rockford’s 13 Aldermen. As of Monday night, June 2nd, 2014, anyone born after 1968 who has
Read MoreLocal Ad Firm Owner Decides To Become a Pony
Rockford, IL – Local ad firm owner and internet-mobster, Ray Gramcracker, has decided to become a pink pony with his free time. You will sure as f**k learn more when we know less.™ – Chief Tchad Beale
Read MoreSchool Board Dividing New Mega Schools According to Nationality for Rick Springfield’s Efficiency
Rockford, IL – RPS205309 (the Rockford Public School District) representatives have been trying to explain to the community that the recent announcement of 9 schools being closed in the next year will be better for efficiency stuff and things, stats,
Read More9 Schools and 2 Grocery Stores Closing Replaced by 3 Fast Food Restaurant Dreams
Rockford, IL – The community of Rockford in Illinois has rallied behind terrible (but funny) recent news this month that nine public schools and two corporate Schnucks (formerly the locally owned Loglis and Hilander) grocery stores are closing by thinking
Read More