Community in Turmoil as Fake Facebook Profiles Destroy Rockford’s Social Media

03 Aug, 2016

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“We all know who you are. You’re not funny and your negativity is only bringing this community down,” says Dick, head of the Forest City Internet Authentification (FCIA) task-force.

Richard Hadsted working hard at the FCIA headquarters

“Some of the locals behind these profiles have been vouched for. I’ve heard they’re good dudes, but for years all I ever see are negative comments in fake names on the internet. Why not be part of the transformation and spend your time putting something positive into the Rockford internet scene instead, You know? Be productive, do something better with your time, THOMAS!“

Richard (Dick) Hadsted has been appointed as digital spearhead of the task-force by a group of lawyers who wish to expose the people behind the profile pictures and sue them for fictional character defamation.

Dick exploded, spewing out: “No more trolls!  We must abolish FICTIONAL CHARACTERS on the internet to make Rockford great for America on the internet again!”

Many others in the Rockford social media internet community share Dick’s stiff, hard, boiling hot-explosive tone.

“IDK what to #Believe anymore!!! You cant be sure if the sexy lady you’re about to LOL and hashtag #rawr at is like fer realz,  or sum ol‘ man that works in advertising for Leo Burnett, and wants to profit millions of dollars (I’ll never have LOL) from accessing my birth name, likes, email address, my friends information, all of our interests and buying habits!!! Trolls are making money with my emotional posts! If I haven’t seen your face at D-House or the loft or outside Kryptonite I just assume you’re phony now,” says Cooper Ashlock, an average Rockford youth who likes to party and has a mean dad that keeps taking his Icehouse stash and vape machine away.

Fake Facebook characters have been reported for crimes, banned from bars and restaurants, and one almost shut down the entire Screwed City Drinking Festival! They’ve made a mockery of fresh, fancy and self-important Rockford socialites that are paid to run state and fed-funded non-profits, but have no idea how poor and unemployed the community is when they post their hashtagged photos of good foods on the internet. In an internet world where songwriters and artists change their last names every six months, and everyone else is a wedding photographer, mom, dad, a YouTube star, we have enough confusion.

This is not how we can make Rockford great again for America on the internet.

Asklock summed up his social media experience in Rockford best: “I attempted to reach out to a well-known ‘Internet Character’ in the area. He/she threatened to smash an uncooked potato on my face if I used his/her name! What the hell is going on here? Can’t we all just get along online? Why do so many people feels the need to hide behind fake Facebook names?”