Downtown Vigil Rallies City Against Forbes Meanies

08 Mar, 2013

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Brad Chavez, seasonal landscaper, famous artist, and seasonal gigolo, rallies the downtown crowd in Rockford. RKFDNEWS is a proud sponsor of Mr. Chavez and his car but we do not support mediocrity or misery aside from enjoying the laughter we project at or receive from each.

Rockford, IL – Local artists and politicians rallied last night in downtown Rockford to pray for everyone working for Forbes Magazine.  We were there to talk to a bunch of local celebrities, so that if someone inside of Forbes Magazine reads this, they’ll consider us for the number one or two spot next year for America’s Most Mediocre–er, sorry, Miserable–City.

“Our goal is to forgive everyone at Forbes who voted for Flint and Detroit this year instead of us.  Praying together in downtown Rockford is insuring next year’s run towards the 2014 Most Miserably Hilarious American City Championship honor.  We lost this year, albeit third place isn’t that bad.  It has a better ring to it than, say, placing #9 out of 10.   It’s such a nice night.  We have coffee mugs for sale and T shirts.  Everyone is happy to be together because yes, Forbes, Misery loves coffee and Tshirts!  Take that you meanies!” – Gerald Crosley, owner of Swaetpants R’ Us Boutique Tavern on E. State Street.

Rockford celebrates mediocrity, yells at Forbes Magazine, prays for first place finish in 2014!

Prayer vigil rallies amongst our city’s most famous celebrity business owners, poor artists with really nice attitudes, and wealthy–by Rockford’s standards, not Janesville’s–politicians are not new to the area. RKFDNEws.com covered the Artists’ Friday night vigils last year.  Typically, the crowd that gathered last night in Davis Park, will break between October and March to pray and rally town spirit in bars and fake churches.  The recent third place finish in Forbes Magazine’s most mediocre American City contest forced our most famous talkers into acting earlier this year.

“We want first place, gosh dangit.  We were so close this year, and this is why we are praying for our championship run now.  From Rockford to New York City, you hear us Forbes?  We are here and we are saying to you, Forbes Magazine, “You be nice you meanie!  you be be nice!”” – Brad Chavez, seasonal landscaper, famous artist, and seasonal gigolo.

– Chet Fairway