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Duplex Cookies Tossed Out of Rockford for New Downtown Loft Cookies

Duplex Cookies Tossed Out of Rockford for New Downtown Loft Cookies

Rockford, IL — “We Rockfordians have had enough. Our cookies have been cracking and crumbling for too long.” Said Ruth Marche, a well known, well-to-do, community leader and Rockford Transformationalist. Marche has lived in Rockford since before our city’s Nickel Conservatory was featured on the series, “Pimp My Greenhouse.”

When I saw that junkyard transform into a fancy greenhouse, I knew… If we just believe hard enough, we can tear down anything and replace it with positive internet search results.

Ruth Marche is certainly an ambitious woman. She has dozens of other goals being liked and shared online, but her Cookie Come Fund Me Campaign has really taken off. This special Rockfordian certainly has her online priorities in line. She is definitely one mother I would love to Facebook friend request.  Marche says her children’s internet activity is what inspired her to make Rockford’s cookies great for America on the internet again.

When I overheard my two teenage boys talking about deleting their browser history and their web cookies, it broke my heart. I decided I would do it for them. All of our kids deserve better internet cookies! Ya know?”

I did know… We’ve all been ashamed of our web cookies. I delete them every time. I remember my mother saying, “God’s always watching“—but that was when we lived in Beloit. He doesn’t watch in Rockford. “Do what you want on the internet,” is what I say to mom.

The new social media friendly cookie will feature a firm black top with a creamy middle to tickle—yummy!—over a sweet, thin, blond-bottomed wafer. (Mmm.) Despite this being a familiar concept for most of Rockford’s internet, it’s the local locality of the location, IP location and ingredients, and the real original Rockfordness that has people coming from all over the internet to try our cookies.

The new, aptly-named Downtown Loft Cookie is truly a site to download if we expect to make Rockford great again for America on the internet.

The white half of the cookie sandwich was designed by Rockford’s best online cookie artist, Graham Cracker, for a LOT of money that the state granted to the tourism bureau to spend on cookie designs. The black half of the cookie hasn’t been worked on yet—don’t worry. That side of the internet cookie can be beautiful and safe for all of us if believe harder in hashtags, strong headlines, and positive content.

Rockford leaders expects the new and improved internet cookies to be expected to be completed before the I-90 construction is expected to be expected to be completed.

Thank you, Ruth, for making Rockford’s expectations great on the internet for America again!

– Chaz “Jet Lag” Stalmach


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  1. Winslow Barkley 11 August, 2016, 15:24

    What a delicious bite of fresh, local air. Investigative journalism at its most positive, Chaz! I truly believe that the Downtown Loft Cookies will help Google help Rockford become great for America on the internet again and again and again and again.

    And #again.

    Again!

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