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LeBron Chooses Akron Instead of Rockford for LeSchool

Photo © 2018 Wally Skalij / Los Angeles Times. Click to View Source

Rockford, Illinois — It’s official. Rockford wasn’t chosen again. Athlete and philanthropist superstar, LeBron James, has chosen his hometown of Akron, Ohio to open a free public school.

LeBron’s school, I Promise, was funded and developed by The LeBron James Family Foundation with the Akron Public School District. It’s a first of its kind school that offers education and life skills for children, as well as GED and job placements for parents and families in need that meet specific educational and socioeconomic conditions.

The efforts by LeBron, his foundation Directors and members of the Akron School District and private sector has forced Betsy DeVos, The United States’ Secretary of Education (appointed by King Trump in 2017), to look at her personal bank account, financial portfolio and career accomplishments.

Northern Illinois leaders held out slight hope that LeBron would choose the Rockford Public School District to launch the one-of-a-kind program. RKFDnews talked to Linda Genkins, Rockford’s tourism Director of Social Media Activity:

“We did everything but beg Mr. LeBron to choose Rockford over his hometown. Our poverty is higher per capita, per mile. Those in need outnumber those without needs. We tried everything. The best help is free help. Am I right or am I right?”

We don’t know if you’re right, Linda. However, considering decades of poor and overwhelming socioeconomic conditions which prevents a majority of proud, regional adults from achieving the knowledge to know how to properly use “There,” “They’re,” “Their,” “Your,” “You’re,” “Loose,” “Lose,” “To,” “Too,” and “Two” on the internet—especially on Facebook within a post’s comments feed—we believe you’re right.

Rockford leaders have many reasons to hold their heads high.

One: Our community’s property owners are taxed higher than most in the nation—with over 50% of those property taxes going to the Rockford Public School District.

That’s great news.

Second:  Rockford area leaders receive more in financial funds/aid/grants via state and fed spending to mismanage through public charities and private-sector relationships than other American cities due to poor economic conditions.

This is wonderfully essential to our community’s transformation.

Third: Civic pride marketing campaigns are not cheap, and Rockford area leaders are doing everything possible to spend the free money that they receive on fueling economic activity through social media.

This is imperative, if not utterly doltish.

Rockford will be ok with continuing to qualify with receiving free help, soup, potatoes, and bags of money from other sources besides Mr. LeBron due to decades of poor socioeconomic conditions. We have to keep that up. We will be 99.8% ok because we are transforming ourselves by 2025. We don’t need you, LeBron. We have the Godfather, and we’re Rockford proud, bruh. Bro. Braugh. Bra. Mingya.

King James is a badass. King Trump and Betsy DeVos are simply bad. Ciao, mother fuckers.

— Gerrad Pheenis


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