Locals Protest Free Parenting Classes

09 Oct, 2013

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70,000 Rockford area angry parents gather downtown outside of RPS205 headquarters to protest free parenting classes.

Rockford, IL – A large crowd of 70,000 misinformed Rockford area parents of all shapes and sizes, single and nuclear, gathered outside of the RPS205 building in downtown Rockford to protest free parenting classes being offered by the City of Rockford at the State of Illinois’s request to educate all parents in order to help fix the future of our country, state, and very poor city. Free or not, locals were not having it.

Not even a certification award for free McDonalds kids meals could lure the mob to learning how to be better parents.

“What you means I have to learn some math and english so I can help teach my kids the math and éngles?  I sends my childrens to schools to do that for me. What thee hell? Nuh uh.“, said 38 year old father of five, Jerrald Hennsley, a City Alderman and owner of Forest City Bank and Mistrust.

“I send my child to school to learn so I can watch The Voice on DVR and play Xbox with him after school before I have to go to work. I don’t have time for free parenting classes, I can spell and add/subtract just fine and so can my child.  If I can’t make ends meet, I lie and steal– the Rockford way.  Ain’t no school gonna teach my honeybear that!  Purely offensive to all Rockford area single moms who are working hard to feed their kids without having to spend money on a decent education.“, said Shannon Bogstromdt, 29 year old single mother of one, pastry chef and bartendar.

Local Rockford area parents are so outraged by the thought of learning basic math and english skills to help their kids learn, that Free McDonalds kids meal coupons (serving as class certification rewards) were declined out of protest.

You will learn more when we know less.™

– Ron Kites