Map of Most Fertile Forest City Crime Region Revealed

Rockford High Crime MapRockford, IL – A map revealing the most fertile crime region in the city of Rockford, IL, was released by RKFDP (Rockford Dream Police) earlier today. The areas on the map highlighted in pink show the highest amount of crime.

Crime rates were calculated using six crimes: Vandalism, domestic assault, residential burglary, yelling real loud at your neighbor, child abuse, animal neglect and lastly–our favorite–battering your spouse in Barry’s cock soup mix before dunking she or he in a bowl of flour before making dinner for each other in bed.

The black dots represent specific incidents and locations in Rockford were fertility amongst the unemployed, drunk, and stoned is especially high.

You will know more when we know less.™

– Gilbert Grebner

 


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