Mulligan’s Pub & Grill

Mulligan’s Pub & Grill

Mulligans BarKate’s Complaint Corner

Letters of honest complaints from an honest Kate.

Kate Menstraight, RKFDNews.com Columnist 

Kate Menstraight, RKFDNews.com Columnist

There are organizations I truly despise. They lack morals, character, and honesty. They subvert time-tested societal norms. In case you can’t tell, I’m talking about Mulligan’s Pub & Grill here. In the text that follows, I don’t intend to recount all of the damage caused by Mulligan’s galley wagon declamations, but I do want to point out that if we’re not careful, Mulligan’s supercilious traducements will throw us into a fourth world war as soon as our backs are turned and broken after the third world war with Latham Tap is fought and won or defeated–whatever.

If we look beyond Mulligan’s Pub & Grill’s delusions of grandeur, we see that we need to develop an alternative community, a cohesive and comprehensive underground with a charter to maintain the great principles of virtue, truth, right, and honor. Why? Because of what’s at stake: Literally everything.

Mulligan’s put-downs are designed to arrest and detain Mulligan’s Pub & Grill’s opponents indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel. And they’re working; they’re having the desired effect. Mulligan’s push to undermine the individualistic underpinnings of traditional Irish-Italian-Black- Rockfordian jurisprudence is primarily an effort to retain power and control over the Druids. (I always catch holy Leprechaun hell whenever I say something like that, so let me assure you that I never intend to offend anyone, Mulligan’s Pub & Grill included.) Alas, the following statement may upset a few drunk Irish-Italian-Black Rockfordian people:

Nothing sickens me more than seeing Mulligan’s diminish society’s inducements to telapithic Druid behavior.

Mulligans BarSome people squirm a bit when they they read things like that, but such statements are the key to explaining why I would love to be a fly on the wall near where Mulligan’s Pub & Grill and its junta meet.

I’d love to hear how those bitter cornbeefers come up with their illaudable Irish-Italian-Black-Rockford schemes for brandishing the word “philosophicojuristicdruid” (as it is commonly spelled) to hoodwink people into believing that children don’t need as much psychological attentiveness, protection, and obedience training as the treasured household pet.

Then–and only then–I’d finally be able to back up my claim that there’s no shortage of sin in the world today. For it’s been around since the Garden of Eden and will doubtlessly persist as long as Mulligan’s Pub & Grill continues to delude and often rob those rendered vulnerable and susceptible to its snares because of poverty, illness, or ignorance. Oh, how I pity the fools who walk where the streets have no name, Mr. Paul David Hewson; or, as they call you in Dublin, Bono.

That’s it for this letter. I hope that typing it was not a complete waste of Irish-Italian-Black-Rockfordian energy. Unfortunately, I do realize that my words will probably trigger no useful response in the flabby synapses of Mulligan’s Pub & Grill brain. I just felt obligated to go through the motions because Mulligan’s consistent lack of regard for others will cater to the basest instincts of filthy yobbos by next weekend.

– Kate Menstraight



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19 comments

Write a comment
  1. Anonymous 26 February, 2014, 22:03

    I think Kate should just stop writing these articles all together. They’re nothing but offensive thesaurus babble. Dumb broad.

    Reply this comment
    • RKFD NEWS GOD Author 27 February, 2014, 09:52

      Let’s call out your empty-headed errors here with your comment: 1) You called her articles offensive, now, explain how they are offensive. Or, are you going to make a statement with no proof? 2) You attacked her personally, but we don’t recall her attacking you. If she did, prove it. Then, explain yourself or apologize?

      Thanks for sharing your emotions with us on the internet. You make Rockford proud!

      Chief Beale

      Reply this comment
  2. Mark Atkinson 19 February, 2014, 01:36

    I could hardly read this article for the bad grammar as well as the fact that it is blatantly obvious the author has another computer open on dictionary.com trying to find big words to throw in not ever having known or used them just to give the impression that there is some intellect involved. Fact is, nobody is fooled.

    Reply this comment
  3. Mark hogan 18 February, 2014, 13:54

    I have tried and tried and tried to make sense of this babble speak and have capitulated by ousting remarks on your FB post… only to be chastised for my disparaging remarks about my home town and then have your staff repeat or go one their own tyrants a deem it acceptable…..as for Mulligans been there many times , the service was good …..its just a bar in Rockford……that may be its only crime…..seriously , while enjoy some one with a diverse and articulate view …what the hell did you just say?

    Reply this comment
  4. nick g 18 February, 2014, 13:09

    haha!! so they are like mad-lib articles where you just fill in the blank with a particular bar! shit i should write for rkfdnews! ive got some neat templates i can fill in so i can be even lazier than kate

    Reply this comment
  5. Dirk Diggler 18 February, 2014, 13:08

    This “column” completely jumps the shark, even from a satirical sense. Calling this website “Onion style” is like calling saltines with Ragú and Velveta a pizza. The Onion is funny and ironic. RKFDNews is plain stupid. Very fitting for a Rockfordian attempt at something.

    Reply this comment
    • RKFD NEWS GOD Author 18 February, 2014, 13:17

      Dirk,

      We are not like The Onion nor have we ever tried to be, we are worse. We are here to reinterpret the idea of satire by mocking it another level lower into the rabbit’s hole, along with using Rockford as its mirrored reflection.

      Thank you for sharing your emotions with us on the internet, Dirk. Unfortunately, your noose can’t be broken at the present moment. Hang in there, you’ll get it!™

      Chief Beale, Editor

      Reply this comment
  6. Anonymous 18 February, 2014, 13:02

    Thats why her name is Kate MENSTRAIGHT

    Reply this comment
  7. The Leprechaun 18 February, 2014, 12:32

    Not one bit of that letter made sense. Mulligans is basically a family of people who come together to have a good time. The usual crowd does not make a ruckus, they keep their neighborhood bar clean and they can have a nice place to catch up with friends. The staff is friendly and never forget to fill an order and the customers don’t start any drama.

    Oh, and all of us ‘Irish-Italian-Black’ Rockfordians who spend time at Mulligans don’t start gang or gun fights like patrons of other bars do. So, next time you want to rant about something in this town, get some facts and spend more time at the establishment you try to put down (:

    Much love from the Leprechauns

    Reply this comment
    • Danigirl 18 February, 2014, 12:38

      Get a grip Leprechauns – this in an “onion” style rag.

      Reply this comment
      • The Leprechaun 18 February, 2014, 12:43

        Just because you and I know that doesn’t mean others do. Putting a bad name on a good local bar will turn away new customers.

        Reply this comment
        • RKFD NEWS GOD Author 18 February, 2014, 13:24

          Bono The Leprechaun,

          It made complete sense, Leprechaun. This article is part 2 of a series that Kate is writing on Rockford bars. Part one was The Latham Tap…. maybe backtrack a bit to read that one. Nothing but great marketing tactics being practiced by my staff’s complaints columnist. (Sure, her accent gets in the way, and those words are soooo big, so British.)

          Also, one last thing, Bono The Leprechaun: It’s called free advertising and you didn’t have to pay for it or setup a tab in exchange for the free labor or mention of your business name on a very popular regional website–RKFDNEWS.com. Shhh, it’s called FREE MARKETING, BONO!

          You’re welcome.

          Now, if your noose can’t be broken after giving you a free marketing lesson from RKFDnews.com, hang in there, you’ll get it!™

          Chief Beale, Editor

          Reply this comment
          • Ray Tarte 19 February, 2014, 09:50

            HAHAHA BONO ES SOUL CRAYSEE!!

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