Mustaches are stupid…..

by Jay Vannigan | June 15, 2014 7:21 AM

ROCKFORD–
Dear anyone (and everyone) who has ever considered cutting a mustache out of felt and putting it on, well, anything,

It’s time to let go. Not only is your fascination with this variety of facial hair a little disturbing, it’s a little late.

The mustache (as it’s currently known in embroidered pillow,t-shirt, and finger tattoo form) entered saturated popular culture around the same time you started drawing them on your enemy’s middle school year book photo.

This brings us to five reasons why it’s time for the mustache to quietly die.

5. You don’t even have one.
Mustaches — we’ll explain because you likely don’t have one — are known to collect crumbs, milk foam, and other flavors we won’t go into. And if you’re not willing to sport one, neither should your pillow or t-shirt.

​4. They’re infecting every handmade product on Etsy.
There are almost 11,000 things for sale that have been printed, painted, branded, or sculpted into a mustache. That, friends, is stupid.

3. Because they are stupid.

2. Hairy lips sink ships or businesses.

1. Hipsters still think they are cool.

Que?

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