Rockford City Council Votes in Favor of Forcing Community to Give Free Hugs to All Jays, Gregs, Gordons, Steves and More

29 May, 2015

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Jay and Gordon Hugging

Rockford, IL – Mayor Barry Morrison’s city-wide proposal to force every citizen to hug anyone named Steve, Jay, Dan, Gordon, Dave, Ed, Larry, Linda, Heather, Paul, Pablo, Pawelek, Jay again, Kent, Sparky and Mark was approved in an astounding 11-1 vote by Rockford’s City Council this past week.  (Oh, we almost forgot– all Tims, Johnnys, Hollys, Gregs, Elizabeths, Tinas, Phillips, Joeys, Sonjas and Tonys have to be hugged, too.)

This new city ordinance comes just in time for downtown Rockford’s weekly city market beer drinking party. Drink a beer and grab a Greg!

We asked Mayor Barry, “Why?”, and Mayor Barry said: “No one really knows why. Let’s start with these few people and move on to Rons, Reggies, Tchads, Terrys, Barrys, Julies, Shelbys, Andreas, Pats and Jennies next. Ok?” Ok, whatever!

Hugs are in-effect for anyone with the above names listed as of today, May 29th, 2015.

Sparky and Dan hugged each other at Rockford City Market

NOTE:  There are a few things to consider doing ahead of time if they try to break free from your strategic, public, loving embrace.  1) Slap them upside the head real good, 2) punch them in the face, 3) knee them in the gut and 4) sideswipe their ankles out from under them. When all else fails, 5) lick their face and tightly pinch their cheeks until their lips make a pucker pose.  (Click, click, upload, share! Make sure you have a friend take phone photos while its happening. Send them to us at rkfdnews@gmail.com!)

Do whatever you want to to other people in broad daylight without ever having to worry about your consequences. This is Rockford and you can do anything here.

Transform the community’s excellent vision by hugging a Jay, Greg and Gordon today!

Ron Kites