Rockford City Council Votes in Favor of Forcing Community to Give Free Hugs to All Jays, Gregs, Gordons, Steves and More
Rockford, IL – Mayor Barry Morrison’s city-wide proposal to force every citizen to hug anyone named Steve, Jay, Dan, Gordon, Dave, Ed, Larry, Linda, Heather, Paul, Pablo, Pawelek, Jay again, Kent, Sparky and Mark was approved in an astounding 11-1 vote by Rockford’s City Council this past week. (Oh, we almost forgot– all Tims, Johnnys, Hollys, Gregs, Elizabeths, Tinas, Phillips, Joeys, Sonjas and Tonys have to be hugged, too.)
This new city ordinance comes just in time for downtown Rockford’s weekly city market beer drinking party. Drink a beer and grab a Greg!
We asked Mayor Barry, “Why?”, and Mayor Barry said: “No one really knows why. Let’s start with these few people and move on to Rons, Reggies, Tchads, Terrys, Barrys, Julies, Shelbys, Andreas, Pats and Jennies next. Ok?” Ok, whatever!
Hugs are in-effect for anyone with the above names listed as of today, May 29th, 2015.
NOTE: There are a few things to consider doing ahead of time if they try to break free from your strategic, public, loving embrace. 1) Slap them upside the head real good, 2) punch them in the face, 3) knee them in the gut and 4) sideswipe their ankles out from under them. When all else fails, 5) lick their face and tightly pinch their cheeks until their lips make a pucker pose. (Click, click, upload, share! Make sure you have a friend take phone photos while its happening. Send them to us at [email protected]!)
Do whatever you want to to other people in broad daylight without ever having to worry about your consequences. This is Rockford and you can do anything here.
Transform the community’s excellent vision by hugging a Jay, Greg and Gordon today!
Ron Kites
Related Articles
1100 Confiscated Weed Plants Will Be Used to Transform Rockford Economy, Misery, Our Stories, Vision, Train, Casino, Hotel and Amateur Sports Stuff but also to Love Rockford More or Whatever
Rockford, IL– The ol’ Fatty McGee’s / Stash O’ Neil’s and Hard Times bar on East State Street across from
Rockford Nominated as First Internment Camp
August 13, 2015 In a concentrated effort to make use of Rockford’s status as one of the worst cities to
Congratulations, Peter Cetera, 2016 Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame Inductee!
We are the only Rockford area noose breaking operation to share this exciting news and piece of local rock and
No comments
Write a commentWrite a Comment
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: