Breaking News

Rockford Clock Tower Finally Demolished After Years of Telling The Wrong Time

Rockford, Illinois — A Rockford icon came tumbling down today.

The Clock Tower, located off of the East State Street / I-90 Exit, hasn’t told the right time in years despite millions of interstate drivers seeing it as their official “Welcome to Rockford” landmark while travelling east and west from Chicago to Wisconsin. Truly remarkable when you think about how many fucks the Clock Tower had to give: none.

Recent efforts to fix the clock’s time and mechanics by radio hosts, Double T and Stone IPA, along with homeless pop star, Johnny Emerald the IIIrd, didn’t matter in the end because local Rockfordians don’t give a fuck about math and telling proper time nor have any more fucks to give.

Local celebrity, Ryan Rogers, was there to capture it on video.

Listen to the hit song, “Save The Clock Tower,” by Johnny Emerald the IIIrd, written and recorded in 2014.

We’re sad to say that Rockford got what Rockford deserved once again: A pile of shit to clean up.

— Rick Nielsen

 



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