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Rockford DMV Locations Will Close in Observance of April Fool’s Day

Rockford DMV Locations Will Close in Observance of April Fool’s Day

dmvThat’s right folks! Rockford area Department of Motor Vehicles locations will be closed April Fool’s Day, Friday April 13th. This is the first time April Fool’s has fallen on Friday the 13th in 37 years! I know, It seems like they’ll use any excuse not to open their doors. This time however, Their reasoning is sound.

Every year that April Fools falls on one of the three days of the week they’re open, chaos ensues.

I spoke with Blaine Roesch, manager of the State Street DMV, about last year’s April Fool’s. It was blatantly difficult for him to discuss the events… Maybe not emotionally, but physically. He must have used his inhaler a dozen times in the fifteen minutes we spoke.

“It was the most traumatizing thing I’ve ever been through. One kid came in for his driving tests and just gunned it down Fairview while he screamed and laughed. We must have been going at least 40… 45 MPH! I just cant believe that’s someone’s idea of a joke. We used to have fun, the kind of fun that didn’t irritate my IBS (Irritable bowl syndrome) One year I took all the staples out of Troy’s stapler. Now, that was a hoot! Troy never lets his stapler run out.”

Roesch went on about many more mildly traumatizing events, each one decreasingly interesting. I actually couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out… What the fuck was I doing? Am I really at the DMV interviewing a man named Blaine? I dropped out of the GED program for this? No! Hell no! Fuck you Blaine! I hope you choke on a gas station doughnut.

Guys, I’m sorry… It’s just this place. It’s hell. This is so much worse than that time I got booked in Belvidere for possession. Lets wrap this up so I can go home. Blaine is a fat douche bag. If you need to go to the DMV, it’s probably closed.

Stay home… Ride a bike… Find a drug habit… IDK, Do something else


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