RPSDD 205 Lowers High School Athletes’ GPA To Raise Better Linemen, Fullbacks, and some Tight Ends

RPSDD 205 Lowers High School Athletes’ GPA To Raise Better Linemen, Fullbacks, and some Tight Ends
Future Kickers along with Quarterbacks with high GPAs Are Being Challenged by RPSDD205's recent decision to lower GPA standards to help produce more linemen, linebackers, and a few fullbacks and tight ends for the NFL.  The district's coaches are ecstatic but are worried that lowering the GPA won't help Quarterbacks and Kickers achieve more in life.

Future Kickers along with Quarterbacks with high GPAs Are Being Challenged by RPSDD205’s recent decision to lower GPA standards to help produce more linemen, linebackers, and a few fullbacks and tight ends for the NFL. The district’s coaches are ecstatic but are worried that lowering the GPA won’t help Quarterbacks and Kickers achieve more in life.

Rockford, IL – According to ESPN‘s popular news show, “Outside The Lines, the miserably hilarious Rockford Public School District of Dreams 205 (RPSDD205) came up with a solution for raising future NFL defensive and offensive lineman, a few middle linebackers and a decent amount of tight ends and  fullbacks amongst our high school athlete population.

Coaches everywhere are ecstatic but they are concerned about one major problem.

“Gosh dang willie score buckets, great news.  Me and my lineman coach Johnson have been waiting for our sportsball angels at the RPSDD205 to lower the GPA amongst our athlete student body for forty years!  What a win for sportsball professionals but gosh dangit, the quarterbacks and kicking coaches, Coach Owensfad and Coach Hernandezstedt, are worried for our kickers and quarterbacks.  You betcha.  How will they adjust to the GPA being lowered is beyond our gameplans.  They’re already scoring in the high 3s, hail, our kicker and quarterback here has a collective 4.0!  We hope this doesn’t effect our student athletes on the field of Rockford dreams who like to score higher with their school studies in those classrooms. We’ll take the good news with the bad news but this is such great news for the future of Rockford and the NFL.  Three positive cheers for the RPSDD205!” – Coach Donny Appotatoe

Others in the community are claiming that by lowering standards for high school athletes actually lowers any potential they might have away from sports after high school and in general, life.

“I stopped showing up to work for three days last week because I was up all night competing in an Xbox contest with RaZrr45 and Just1ce_57.  They’re incredible video game ballers. Those Madden tournaments help me remember my high school football playing days.  Anyway, my manager fired me.  I didn’t really like making those tacos so whatever.  I do miss my work friends at the Taco Bell, especially TDSCORZ22–what an amazing Madden baller.”Juan Diego, 29, of Rockford, IL  was a high school graduate and ex-offensive lineman for the… oh, who cares!  You’re all screwed in the community when you lower the standards of any math equation in any realm of life to accommodate the looming laziness and lack of motivation of the human spirit.

You wanna play football, kid?  You better earn your place on the field like everyone else in life should learn to do with whatever it is you should do well and better than the next.  There are no free rides with or without your degrees earned from lower OR higher GPAs in tow.  Work and study hard, and doubt your Rockford community leaders and coaches’ math equations for success results they’ve established for their own accountability reports and you might have a decent shot out of this dump. A dump-trap set up to keep you here by lowering standards for success on and off the field.

– Tchad Beale

 

 



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