The Beauty Of Barry: Cantaloupes

The Beauty Of Barry:  Cantaloupes

Hi, it’s me again, Rockford.  I am a very handsome man living in an ugly town.  Let me share another secret for feeling, looking and tasting good:

Cantaloupes.

Barry Seversyn is a good-looking man living in an ugly town. Seversyn is a caucasian, Swedish man born in Rockford, IL who’s often praised for his great skin, slender physique, wealth and knowledge of staying sexy and feeling, looking, and tasting good in tough times. Stevenson is a guest columnist for RKFDNews.com, CNN.com, and WZOK.com. His handome features and sexy personality is worshiped by all locals, including; poor people, ladies, mothers, fathers, priests and nums, and a few domestic animals have stopped in their tracks to acknowledge his natural beauty.

1. Start by buying the biggest, juiciest cantaloupe you can find, once a week. Every Sunday morning after church, don’t go out to breakfast, save your money. Head on home to the cantaloupe. Slice it in half and eat the insides out with a fork (this is important, as you need to leave as much juice in the cantaloupe as possible).

2. When you’re done enjoying the delicious natural sugars of the cantaloupe for breakfast, put both cantaloupe halves on a dinner tray with a very hot face towel. Immediately find a relaxing chair that you don’t mind getting wet a bit. Tip: Bring a lawn chair inside during cold weather.

3. Rest that hot towel on your face for two minutes to open up your pores. Count to one hundred and twenty seconds (if you can and kinda know how to) and remove the hot towel. Take one cantaloupe halve and rest it on your face for fiften minutes. Let the juices soak into your skin and don’t forget to clothes your eyes and mouth. Count to nine hundred (if you can and kinda know how to). TIP: Leave your mouth open if you’re thirsty but the juices won’t benefit your lips and chin which will make you less good looking.

4. Repeat with the second cantaloupe halve.

5. After thirty minutes are up (a total of one thousand and eight hundred seconds you’ll need to count to yourselves), don’t rinse your face for another two hours, take a nap now.

6. Sleep it off and awake rejuvenated. Sunday morning cantaloupe facials and naps after mass can make you feel, look and taste extremely good.

Take it from a handsome man who’s always willing to share a few beauty secrets with ladies and other walks of life. Good looking means good eating and good sleeping. Please take care of yourselves on the outsides first with little things like cantaloupes, and let the insides follow your good-looks into the afterlife. Til next time,

– Barry Seversyn



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