Breaking News
Bye bye 2021 happy 2022 rockford smells still New Year: Covid Update
People with COVID-19 have had a wide range of symptoms reported – ranging from mild symptoms
...0I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
...0
Third Grader Receives National Arts Award for Drawing the City of Rockford
Rockford, IL — Mrs. Krumbsheck asked her students to draw what they loved most about their hometown, and that is exactly what Larry Donaldson did and then some.
Donaldson, a ten year old third grader at Rockford Christian Pride and Positivity Elementary, was recognized today by the National Arts Council for Economic Funding and Disastrous Community Pride Relief (NACEFDCPR). He is the first child to be recognized by the esteemed 100-year-old establishment.
“I hope my unemployed parents finally accept the economic truth and move. We have to do this before I get to fourth grade. I’m surrounded by unfortunate idiots who have been raised by fortunate, privileged idiots. I can’t teach my parents anymore—this award is my one-way ticket out whether they’re coming with me or not,” said Larry.
An archival reproduction of Larry’s drawing can be seen as a part of the permanent collection in Washington, D.C. at the NACEFDCPR Public Museum.
We asked Larry’s parents, Jim and Emily Donaldson, what they had in store for their son’s future, and despite Larry’s wishes, they’re staying put.
“We believe in Rockford, city market, the hotels, the train, the internet, Facebook pages, YouTube videos, Cheap Trick, positive and collaborative tee shirts, the Chick Fil-A on Perryville and the Portillo’s on East State, Red Lobster, too, and all of the Starbucks, the Red Robin is delicious, and the cafes inside of every mall church, the Subway at WalMart, the Cinnabon at Cherryvale Mall—Mmm!—and we believe in the future of low wage tourism industry jobs and income opportunities from foreign investors. We think China will pull through and help all of Rockford out with this strange Amerock Zion Chinese hotel thing. You have to stay positive and proud about where you’re from or else,” says Emily Donaldson.
Or else? Sorry Larry, you’re f’d like the rest of us, but thank you for making Rockford great for America on the internet again! Nice work. Here’s to your future in the local arts!
—Gene, Nate’s brother
Related Articles
Horse Sold at Auction Returns Home
Dixon, IL – A horse sold at a local auction– worth $775,000– returned from it’s new home to its former
Patty the Goose, May She Rest In Peace
Rockford, IL — Patty the Goose was one of Rockford’s favorite birds. She ate carp, fresh out of the Rock
Mr. Lonnie Torenstein Shares Weekend Plans
Rockford, IL – Lonnie Torenstein, 39 year old Rockford native, wanted to share his weekend plans with our staff and
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: