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Trump Tweets to Rockford: Start Feeding Homeless Now

Rockford, IL– You might not see this story in your local newspaper, but homeless men and women are already making decisions about which back yards and trash cans they will visit this winter thanks to a tweet by Mister President Trump.

Trump also told Rockford, “Prepare your customers now, so that they return to your garbage cans in the summer. TIP: Always offer Fiji water to your customers for return visits.”

What can you and the community do as the days grow shorter and the sun sleeps sooner?

For starters, tell the less fortunate people in our community right now that you want their return business when the serious side of winter comes around. Don’t shun away potential customers from your trash cans and alleys, invite them to come back when the first morning freeze takes hold of their cardboard beds and concrete pillows.

Those with nice homes and fresh garbage who don’t start feeding homeless people until severe weather arrives may be missing out on a great business opportunity.  Tell your neighbors–but not all of them–because you want the business.

Fall is the season to begin, and even though garden co-ops and leftover tomatoes are plentiful, the homeless customers may not spend much time around your garbage yet.  The ones that do visit backyards in autumn are scouting. They need to be ready when cold weather hits. One woman was well acquainted with our feeding station well before winter arrived.

Rockford's happy homeless people might play you a song in the winter in exchange for an autumn trip through your cans.

Rockford’s happy homeless people might play you a song in the winter in exchange for an autumn trip through your cans.

On the other hand, if you wait until hard weather arrives, they may not ever realize what you have to offer. Rockford’s homeless vets can’t afford the luxury of exploring your cans once the cold air comes to blanket their souls. They must go where they know there will be a payoff;  behind restaurants and dumpsters at the mall or downtown behind Octane, Wired and City Hall. They might not discover your feeder all winter even though it is abundantly supplied.

Start offering provisions now, this list will help you prepare:

WHAT FOODS TO OFFER & OTHER POSITIVE MARKETING TRICKS:

  • Leftover foods that you made too much of and moldy bread is a great start.
  • You can try some old fruit and dented cans of soup that are questionable.
  • One of the best ways to get them back  into your yard is to provide unfrozen water, preferably the bottled brand, Fiji (because it is the most expensive). Replenish the homeless customers with Fiji, daily, for returned profits. Sometimes water is harder to come by in winter than food because they homeless can’t drink from the river unless they dig a hole.  Many accidents have occurred this way and we advise that you advise them to drink your Fiji water instead.
  • Whatever you use, be sure to put your garbage where you can see it from your expensive dining room seat. Enjoy your warm dinner and wine from the comfort of your toasty house so you can watch them eat and feel good about yourself.

Trump told the Rockford Register Star today: “Don’t worry about your foods remains if you have to be gone from your home for awhile during winter. Homeless men and women are used to having a food source disappear. They won’t starve because of your lapse. They can–at the very least–retrieve a couple of meals digging through your neighbors garbage, too. It might take them a while to rediscover your yard when you return, but they’ll be back.”

– Jay Vannigan

 


Tags assigned to this article:
homelessrockfordtrump

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