Breaking News
I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
...0Facebook Prayers Saved Grandma’s Life
Rockford- Betsy Stienbecker was dead. She flat-lined Saturday night surrounded by her loving family. Grandma Stienbecker
...0
We Sorry, Downtown Rockford — Free Baked Ham Soup Certificate Download!

RKFDNews Stories have emotionally upset the locals, downtown leaders, tourism bureau experts, public charity accountants, social media directors, my mom, your dad, journalists, editors, media operatives on the dole, project development specialists, audio engineers, videographers, church goers, Jimmy Johns’ CEO, and PR/marketing/ad firm bozos.
We are praying for downtown and its emotional health after the horrific events of 6/25. Please pray with us. (10 seconds, pause, breathe, think about pizza, fried chicken… Baked ham soup, ok, that’s what you deserve? That’s what you need to feel better, Rockford? Done, prayer granted!)
We are also so sorry that you people believe in dragons, but we are concerned that it hurts your internet feelings. To prove how sorry we are for your downtown internet feelings, here’s a free baked ham soup certificate to our favorite downtown ristoranté! Good for a year beginning TODAY. You’re welcome, and thank us later.
We are still praying for downtown, pray with us?
Related Articles
Russian Sleeper Agent Accidentally Activated at CNVR Poetry Night
Rockford, IL – CNVR doesn’t seem like the kind of venue you would find a deep-cover KGB operative. This small
Report: Rockford Baby’s First Word Shatters Centuries of Infant Behavior Skills
Rockford, IL – Centuries of infant behavior patterns came to a standstill in Rockford, IL last night for the proud
Father Yes Son
HAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA ROCKFORD SCANNER hahahhahahhaha HAHAHAHHAHAHAA BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
No comments
Write a commentWrite a Comment
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: