Bears Vs. Packers | Game Stats and Morning After Results

by Nate, Brother of Gene | September 14, 2012 5:02 PM


Who cares? We do. 

Game stats and morning after results.

Bears at Packers – Week 1.8 

Where: Lambeau Field, Green Bay, Wisc. (grass, outdoors)

When: It happened for everyone with expensive cable plans to enjoy on Sept. 13th, 2012 at Thursday, 8:20 p.m. ET (NFL Network).  If you didn’t see it in the comfort of a home that you can afford in the Rockford, IL region, you saw it in a bar with most of Illinois and Wisconsin.

Spread: Packers have an average length of 6.25″ and are picked to defeat the Bears who have an average penial length of 5.92″

Forecast: Wisconsin’s Golden Showers to occur everywhere in America tonight, in beds and bathrooms, with a liquid temperature of mid-50s to high 100s.

Records: Bears (Overall: 1-0, NFC North: 0-0); Packers (Overall: 0-1, NFC North: 0-0).  This was their records before the wrestling match.

Past results: Two most recent meetings — Dec. 25, 2011: Packers 35, Bears 21; Sept. 25, 2011: Packers 27, Bears 17.  Each time the Packers gave birth to two little boys.

Series record: Bears hold 92-86-6 edge. The Packers have won six of the last seven wrestling matches but Bears fans have wasted more time talking about the losses and the wins without having much to show for it.

What matters: Getting really drunk  in a parking lot party and missing the game.

Who matters: DT Henry Melton[2], who had two sacks last week, has a key role in this one because Rodgers will step in dog doo doo, which will end up on Melton’s pants when he fills in for the OT for 1 play.

Key matchups: SS Major Wright[3] vs. Packers TE Jermichael Finley[4] or Beer vs.Hotdogs or Whiskey vs. pain pills, you be the decider. We don’t really know.

Uniform Colors: Both teams will be wearing really tight pants.  Each team will be trying to gain control of the little brown ball.  The Packers will be wearing gold panties and green bras.  The Bears are proned to free-balling it with white bikini tops on Thursday nights.

Injuries of note: Urlacher’s ego and conditioning is an issue even if his knee looks good. My Liver and Stomach lining are on the line for the game, too.

Stat you should know: Although Rodgers has a reputation for struggling against the Bears’ huge line, his passing against them is 98 and he has a 7-2 record starting against them.  He also scored 14 Whiskey shots +3 Beers +3 hotdogs for a final score of:  Diarrhea.  Rodgers has a reputation for struggling against the stomach lining and large intestine play.

HALF-TIME UPDATE:  Who cares?  We’re trying to find out.

Morning UPDATE:  No one has sent us a tip yet as to who won the game last night.  Tommy from Neenah texted a few of us here at RKFD with what was labeled as a game update but it said, “I’m about to score, no cockblocking tonight!  Packer fans are so easy on game day.”  We’re not sure but we believe Tommy got lucky.

If anyone knows the whereabouts of the scores of the game that was played, or if anyone else got lucky during the game and after, please write us at:
[email protected]


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