City Market Attendance Doubles As Local Man Falls Off Wagon

by Barry The Beautiful | September 15, 2012 1:28 AM

[1]Rockford, IL’s City Market is in it’s 3rd year of partying. Every Friday between 3pm and 8pm (Summer Hrs) / 7pm (Fall Hrs), people gather in good spirits downtown on the east side of the river to enjoy beer and laughs.  It’s been such a success that attendance has been out of control and the city needs to do something about it soon, ASAP, now, before people have too much fun and end up back in rehab.

It happened to a local painter, Leonard Gonzalez, 46, who ventured downtown with painter friends on August 10th to enjoy the sun, nicely tanned ladies and the music of Miles Nielsen. Gonzalez has been a lifelong fan of Cheap Trick and seeing Miles, the son of Trick guitarist, Rick Nielsen, completed his local music bucket list.  Gonzalez’s friends like to call him Lenny because of his love for Lenny Kravitz songs. So when Lenny fell off the wagon that hot Friday afternoon while they enjoyed the younger Nielsen’s songs, his friends knew the problem wasn’t with their good friend, Lenny.  The problem was for Rockford City Market’s to look into deeper, because Lenny hadn’t had a drop of alcohol for 27 years.

He quit when he was 19 to live a life of sobriety after beating up his dad, Carl, short for Carlos.  For years he had heard from his drinking-painter friends about how delicious the Vanilla Ice Cream Brew from Carlyle’s Brewery is.  Lenny could smell it without ever tasting it so on that hot, Friday afternoon, as his nose led him to the City Market’s alcohol tent section.  There it happened, Carlyle’s delicious beer tent was staring right at him and he couldn’t resist.  Goodbye wagon, hello Cleveland.

Gonzalez drank for hours, stating days later, “I knew I had a problem when I kept yelling at that Miles Nelson to play Surrender.  My compadres were so upset with me because I usually drive everyone to and from the bars and parties after painting all day, but not that night.”  Lenny’s friends were so upset that he couldn’t drive them home. So upset that they had him arrested and told Market officials to “… never let Gonzo near a beer tent that serves Vanilla Ice Cream Beer again.”

City Market Agents took it to heart and went a step further.  In an effort to control Lenny’s drinking, along with the overall success of the Market, and to slow down it’s attendance problems, new policies have been put in place immediately.  Read below the list of policies we’ve copied directly from Rockford City MArket’s web site:

Rockford City Market Policies for Visitors[2]

No Pets – As of August 17, 2012, Rockford City Market will no longer permit shoppers to bring their dogs, cats, and bags of goldfish. Due to our growing attendance levels, we ask that you leave your pets at home for safety and sanitary reasons. If you do bring your dog prior to August 17, it must be on a leash. Service animals for people who need help tying their shoes and ordering drinks will be allowed.

No Solicitation – No soliciting or circulating of petitions by political, religious, commercial or other groups or individuals is permitted on the market grounds on Fridays from noon-9 p.m.  Note, only is permitted to conduct political, religious, commercial actions on premise.

No Smoking – There is no smoking weed, crack, or methamphetamine allowed within the market area.  Just outside the premise near the Market St. overpass is fine, but be respectful of the homeless people napping.

No Bikes – For safety reasons, 2-wheeled bikes may not be ridden in the market. They may be parked on the perimeter or walked through the market on your shoulders.  Three wheeled bikes are allowed but you must have a metal carriage and a helmet on.

Shoes and Shirts required – Please wear shirts and shoes, boxers and panties are optional.  Pants are not allowed on the premise.  Chinos are ok, khakis and jeans are not.

Many people besides Lenny have enjoyed partying at City Market over the last 3 years.  Don’t let one drunk painter ruin it for the 4,999 other drunk people at the Market every Friday.  There’s plenty to buy there, too, especially if you’re one of the luckier locals with a job and an every 2 week paycheck.  Use your money to spend on alcohol and something else there that might make you feel just as good, such as:  Corn, Hot Dogs, T-Shirts, Jewelry, Cutting Boards, Flowers, Pizza and much more.

If more news comes across our desks about Lenny, we’ll be the first to inform you.   If you see him enjoying life somewhere without his painter friends, especially in a bar with ladies and beer, please send us an email ASAP:  [email protected]


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