Lonely Men Wonder: Will Binders Supply Catch Up With Demand?

by Julian S. Jrunk | November 11, 2012 12:00 PM


Binders Supply Worries Lonely Men

United States of America – The election is over! Will the search for binders for lonely men across the country soon come to an end?  We have some answers.

I’ve been on a three week quest. I’ve searched every Office Maxx, Depot, and even Staples from Janesville to the Woodfield Mall, and my gas tank, wallet, and even my heart are still empty,” says lonely local, Bryce Skilmand.

Bryce–and thousands of single men across the nation–has (have) been searching for “binders full of women” to no avail. On October 16th, 2012, a once desperate and wealthey candidate for President of the United States, Mitt Romney, gave him a new hope for what has been a lonely year.

“When Mr. Romney brought up this ‘binder full of women’ stuff, it was like a message from God to Mitt to me. Well, I got dumped in January by my long time lady, Sheila Shantina, and I been solo ever since. See, I’m kind of afraid of those online date sites, and I’ve been sad, man, sad. I don’t know how to approach women, and I don’t go out much,” said a reflective Mr. Skilmand.

I contacted a local supply store to find out the details, and see if these men will ever be able to make this life changing purchase. A service representative, who chose to just go by Shirley, filled me in with a few regional stats.  Nearly forty gentlemen per day come in seeking the particular binders that Romeny alluded to having plenty of. Demand is high across the country, and shipments are infrequent.

We got in 8 last week, but sold out in a half hour, and we don’t even do rain checks on them. It just looked like a normal binder, and it only came in red. I’m told it’s like a self help book, but more of just an outline, so it’s easier to use. I don’t know if there are actually pictures or contacts of real women in there. Seems like another one of those money making scams set up by them right-wing money mongers,” Shirley candidly explained.

Sources say several truckloads are slated to ship to the stateline area this week. Hopefully, this kind of news brings this journalist’s quest for answers–and love to many lonely men–a quick and merciful end.

– Julian S. Jrunk

With the election finally over, we expect to see binders full of women showing up everywhere again. Please contact RKFDnews.com if you see binders full of women immediately, and we will contact lonely men everywhere, thank you:  tips@rkfdnews.com[2]




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