Breaking News

Rock River Raft Race Under Fire After Dozens of Geese Barred from Entering

Rock River Raft Race Under Fire After Dozens of Geese Barred from Entering

This wing-crafted float will not be seen floating down the Rock River with geese pooping on it.

Wednesday, June 28th.
Feathers have been ruffled. A number geese have gaggled together to issue an official complaint to the Rock River Raft Race commissioners after being denied entry on the basis of– well, sigh, they’re geese.
The rules of the race clearly state, “No animals allowed on any rafts,” which is exactly the language people and geese on Facebook with nothing better to do take issue with.
Geese have been using the Rock River to host cheesy raft races since Rockford’s crime rate was less than one percent. The geese are arguing that it is immoral to boot them from their nesting grounds and pooping water just so some east-siders can splash around.
If the demands of the geese are not met, violent protests can be expected. Goose attacks on humans and sub-human local scumbags have been on the rise for the past two years and there are no signs of slowing down.


Tags assigned to this article:
crime rategooseoptimist pride

Related Articles

Family of Five Enjoys Fun Weekend

Rockford, IL – Jack Lily and his family of five had big plans this weekend in Rockford, IL. “We had a

Renegade Alderman Dismantles Billboards Overnight To Initiate Rockford Transformation By Eliminating Erect Messages

Rockford, IL– The war on crime, illiteracy and unemployment took a detour last night when city council’s most outspoken leader,

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.