Mulligan’s Pub & Grill

by Nate, Brother of Gene | February 17, 2014 5:18 PM

Mulligans BarKate’s Complaint Corner

Letters of honest complaints from an honest Kate.

Kate Menstraight, RKFDNews.com Columnist 

Kate Menstraight, RKFDNews.com Columnist

There are organizations I truly despise. They lack morals, character, and honesty. They subvert time-tested societal norms. In case you can’t tell, I’m talking about Mulligan’s Pub & Grill here. In the text that follows, I don’t intend to recount all of the damage caused by Mulligan’s galley wagon declamations, but I do want to point out that if we’re not careful, Mulligan’s supercilious traducements will throw us into a fourth world war as soon as our backs are turned and broken after the third world war with Latham Tap is fought and won or defeated–whatever.

If we look beyond Mulligan’s Pub & Grill’s delusions of grandeur, we see that we need to develop an alternative community, a cohesive and comprehensive underground with a charter to maintain the great principles of virtue, truth, right, and honor. Why? Because of what’s at stake: Literally everything.

Mulligan’s put-downs are designed to arrest and detain Mulligan’s Pub & Grill’s opponents indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel. And they’re working; they’re having the desired effect. Mulligan’s push to undermine the individualistic underpinnings of traditional Irish-Italian-Black- Rockfordian jurisprudence is primarily an effort to retain power and control over the Druids. (I always catch holy Leprechaun hell whenever I say something like that, so let me assure you that I never intend to offend anyone, Mulligan’s Pub & Grill included.) Alas, the following statement may upset a few drunk Irish-Italian-Black Rockfordian people:

Nothing sickens me more than seeing Mulligan’s diminish society’s inducements to telapithic Druid behavior.

Mulligans BarSome people squirm a bit when they they read things like that, but such statements are the key to explaining why I would love to be a fly on the wall near where Mulligan’s Pub & Grill and its junta meet.

I’d love to hear how those bitter cornbeefers come up with their illaudable Irish-Italian-Black-Rockford schemes for brandishing the word “philosophicojuristicdruid” (as it is commonly spelled) to hoodwink people into believing that children don’t need as much psychological attentiveness, protection, and obedience training as the treasured household pet.

Then–and only then–I’d finally be able to back up my claim that there’s no shortage of sin in the world today. For it’s been around since the Garden of Eden and will doubtlessly persist as long as Mulligan’s Pub & Grill continues to delude and often rob those rendered vulnerable and susceptible to its snares because of poverty, illness, or ignorance. Oh, how I pity the fools who walk where the streets have no name, Mr. Paul David Hewson; or, as they call you in Dublin, Bono.

That’s it for this letter. I hope that typing it was not a complete waste of Irish-Italian-Black-Rockfordian energy. Unfortunately, I do realize that my words will probably trigger no useful response in the flabby synapses of Mulligan’s Pub & Grill brain. I just felt obligated to go through the motions because Mulligan’s consistent lack of regard for others will cater to the basest instincts of filthy yobbos by next weekend.

– Kate Menstraight

Que?

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