The Latham Tap

The Latham Tap

Kate’s Complaint Corner

Letters of honest complaints from an honest Kate.

Kate Menstraight, Columnist 

Kate Menstraight, Columnist

There are organizations I truly despise. They lack morals, character, and honesty. They subvert time-tested societal norms. In case you can’t tell, I’m talking about Latham Tap here. In the text that follows, I don’t intend to recount all of the damage caused by Latham Tap’s stripy declamations, but I do want to point out that if we’re not careful, Latham Tap’s supercilious traducements will throw us into a third world war as soon as our backs are turned.

If we look beyond Latham Tap’s delusions of grandeur, we see that we need to develop an alternative community, a cohesive and comprehensive underground with a charter to maintain the great principles of virtue, truth, right, and honor. Why? Because of what’s at stake: Literally everything.

Latham Tap’s put-downs are designed to arrest and detain Latham Tap’s opponents indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel. And they’re working; they’re having the desired effect. Latham Tap’s push to undermine the individualistic underpinnings of traditional jurisprudence is primarily an effort to retain power and control. (I always catch holy hell whenever I say something like that, so let me assure you that I never intend to offend anyone, Latham Tap included.) Alas, the following statement may upset a few people:

Nothing sickens me more than seeing Latham Tap diminish society’s inducements to good behavior.

"Nothing sickens me more than seeing Latham Tap diminish society's inducements to good behavior." – Kate Menstraight , on The Latham Tap, Rockford, IL (Photo © Cragin Spring)

“Nothing sickens me more than seeing Latham Tap diminish society’s inducements to good behavior.” – Kate Menstraight , on The Latham Tap, Rockford, IL (Photo © Cragin Spring)

Some people squirm a bit when they they read things like that, but such statements are the key to explaining why I would love to be a fly on the wall near where Latham Tap and its junta meet. I’d love to hear how those bitter quacksalvers come up with their illaudable schemes for brandishing the word “philosophicojuristic” (as it is commonly spelled) to hoodwink people into believing that children don’t need as much psychological attentiveness, protection, and obedience training as the treasured household pet.

Then–and only then–I’d finally be able to back up my claim that there’s no shortage of sin in the world today. For it’s been around since the Garden of Eden and will doubtlessly persist as long as Latham Tap continues to delude and often rob those rendered vulnerable and susceptible to its snares because of poverty, illness, or ignorance. Oh, how I pity the fools too, Mr. Barracus.

That’s it for this letter. I hope that typing it was not a complete waste of energy. Unfortunately, I do realize that my words will probably trigger no useful response in the flabby synapses of Latham Tap’s brain. I just felt obligated to go through the motions because Latham Tap’s consistent lack of regard for others will cater to the basest instincts of filthy yobbos by next weekend.

– Kate Menstraight

Tags assigned to this article:
kate menstraightLatham Taprockford

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  1. Anonymous 13 February, 2014, 10:06

    Eat a baby dick

    Reply this comment

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