Breaking News
Bye bye 2021 happy 2022 rockford smells still New Year: Covid Update
People with COVID-19 have had a wide range of symptoms reported – ranging from mild symptoms
...0I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
...0
Trump Says RKFDnews Book Taught Him How To Tell Very, Very Good Stories
Rockford, Illinois— Mister President Trump admitted on 97.5 WZOK FM radio (Rockford, Illinois) this morning that he learned everything he has about producing internet stories from a local media powerhouse, RKFDnews. Us. Yep. Eat that, Rockford Ponies.
Official portrait of President Donald J. Trump, Friday, October 6, 2017. (Official White House photo © by Shealah Craighead)
Mister Trump told the morning DJ, Nevets Nonnahs, and his faithful caucasian fans (self-entitled soccer moms and lazy unemployed men):
“People will believe anything if you tell them a story that comes from your heart to share in a tweet or on the facebooks.
I spent years and money hiring private investigators to observe city government and business leaders within the little village of Rockford, Illinois, and how they kept their peasants fooled and insulated on false promises while swimming in poverty, poor business ethics, crime, racism, nepotism and unemployment. They made poverty, pride, and hate profitable!
Very, very great.
Then along came RKFDnews in 2012 on the social medias, and they have been making Rockford Great Again for America the only way that they can by representing their city with very great, great, nice stories. I love their stories.
People will believe anything if you give it to them for free. RKFDnews gives people free stories. I give people free tweets. Like all of America today, the people of Rockford have proven to be completely ungrateful for free stories.
VERY, VERY BAD!
RKFDnews is very very great at making people believe everything they read on the internet and in their book, and these are the same people who blame RKFDnews for what they believe. That’s on them, the people. Dumbos.
Thank you, RKFDnews, you are great for America and Rockford and for believers!”
Wow. What an endorsement for our book sales. Thank you, Mister President Trump!
—Ron Kites
Buy the RKFDnews book on Amazon Prime or Barnes and Noble now to make Rockford greater for America.
RKFDnews book, “Believe,” available on Amazon Prime now! Click here!
Related Articles
Portillo’s Cancels Local Restaurant Plans, Blames Rockford
Rockford, IL – Portillo’s newest restaurant was supposed to be opening in Rockford this summer, but a press release from Portillo’s
Chasing Cars: How do you get your child to stop?
Rockford, IL – Do you have a problem with your child chasing cars? If your child continues to chase cars there is a very good chance he will soon get hit by one. This is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. It is best to try and avoid this nasty habit in the first place by not encouraging he or her to chase anything. How can you accomplish this?
Rubio Gains 2013 Rockford Mayor Bid But Loses 2016 Presidential Bid
Rockford, IL – Some good news and bad news happened tonight to Senator Rubio on national TV. During the Republican’t
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: