Breaking News
Bye bye 2021 happy 2022 rockford smells still New Year: Covid Update
People with COVID-19 have had a wide range of symptoms reported – ranging from mild symptoms
...0I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
...0
Trump Says RKFDnews Book Taught Him How To Tell Very, Very Good Stories
Rockford, Illinois— Mister President Trump admitted on 97.5 WZOK FM radio (Rockford, Illinois) this morning that he learned everything he has about producing internet stories from a local media powerhouse, RKFDnews. Us. Yep. Eat that, Rockford Ponies.

Official portrait of President Donald J. Trump, Friday, October 6, 2017. (Official White House photo © by Shealah Craighead)
Mister Trump told the morning DJ, Nevets Nonnahs, and his faithful caucasian fans (self-entitled soccer moms and lazy unemployed men):
“People will believe anything if you tell them a story that comes from your heart to share in a tweet or on the facebooks.
I spent years and money hiring private investigators to observe city government and business leaders within the little village of Rockford, Illinois, and how they kept their peasants fooled and insulated on false promises while swimming in poverty, poor business ethics, crime, racism, nepotism and unemployment. They made poverty, pride, and hate profitable!
Very, very great.
Then along came RKFDnews in 2012 on the social medias, and they have been making Rockford Great Again for America the only way that they can by representing their city with very great, great, nice stories. I love their stories.
People will believe anything if you give it to them for free. RKFDnews gives people free stories. I give people free tweets. Like all of America today, the people of Rockford have proven to be completely ungrateful for free stories.
VERY, VERY BAD!
RKFDnews is very very great at making people believe everything they read on the internet and in their book, and these are the same people who blame RKFDnews for what they believe. That’s on them, the people. Dumbos.
Thank you, RKFDnews, you are great for America and Rockford and for believers!”
Wow. What an endorsement for our book sales. Thank you, Mister President Trump!
—Ron Kites
Buy the RKFDnews book on Amazon Prime or Barnes and Noble now to make Rockford greater for America.
Related Articles
Local Ad Firm Owner Decides To Become a Pony
Rockford, IL – Local ad firm owner and internet-mobster, Ray Gramcracker, has decided to become a pink pony with his
City Plans Wall Street Journal Bonfire Fundraiser For The Arts
Rockford, IL – Days after winning the Wall Street Journal’s championship for America’s most pathetic real estate market with regards
Mitt Romney Enjoys Breakfast At Machine Shed With Caucasian Locals
Presidential Candidate for the divided-and-sinking-yet-hilariously-united-by-insanity Republican party, Mitt Romney, ate a delicious breakfast with Caucasian locals at the popular, retail
No comments
Write a commentWrite a Comment
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: