Breaking News
Bye bye 2021 happy 2022 rockford smells still New Year: Covid Update
People with COVID-19 have had a wide range of symptoms reported – ranging from mild symptoms
...0I Used To Be A Man, Now I Am A Sea Otter
Rockford, IL – Timothy Krill was his own man for 27 years of his life. A
...0City Leaders Ask For More Free Bedtime Geese Stories
Locals are wondering about the geese and why they’ve chosen to take up residency in our
...0Locals Reminisce of Burnt Building That Has Sat Vacant Since 1978
Downtown Rockford’s poor, old, brick Building (which sat predominantly vacant since 1978) has caused locals to
...0Expired Pasta Sauce Melts Furniture Beams at Downtown’s Huge West Side Ristorante
Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök’s west side grand opening has been cancelled due to the horrific
...0Rockford Asks, “Why Don’t We Get a Fancy Pipeline?”
The controversial construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline is a call to action for many environmentally
...0
6/25: Cause of Downtown Rockford Fire Revealed
Michael, a Magic Fire Dragon, is being blamed as the root cause of the horrific events that occurred on June 25th, 2017 in downtown Rockford, IL. Michael is a descendent of Gorak, Lord of the 6th Dimension, who has terrorized Rockfordians on behalf of his Lord’s orders for ages. Some believe that Gorak was not in favor of the empty building becoming the west side location for the brand new restaurant, Provolone Ferne Ristorante Cucina Kök. Plans to proceed with the ristorante’s east side downtown location are still on track for a grand summer opening.
An online call to arms has been mandated by Rockford’s City Council with all in favor of finding Michael, a Magic Fire Dragon:
“We must capture Michael— alive, not dead. Once we find Michael the Magic Fire Dragon, we can proceed to negotiate with Gorak for control of Rockford’s future once and for all. This is internet war.”
– Charley Swanson, City of Rockford’s Tourism Director of Social Media Marketing, 32.
Related Articles
Teen Forced Down, Tattooed Against Will
Rockford, IL – A gang of ex-teachers and laid off factory workers shocked a teenager with a tazerstick and tattooed “Rockford”
Local Man Starts Working on 2025 Pizza
ROCKFORD– A local man is taking his time developing his signature pizza recipe, Dominic Jablome figures he has till 2025
Happy Ending for Kryptonite Bar Owner Chris Wachowafcheski
Rest easy friends. I know how worried you were when you heard Kryptonite was closing. You’ve probably heard the rumors
Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below: