Breaking News

We Sorry, Downtown Rockford — Free Baked Ham Soup Certificate Download!

We Sorry, Downtown Rockford — Free Baked Ham Soup Certificate Download!

RKFDNews Stories have emotionally upset the locals, downtown leaders, tourism bureau experts, public charity accountants, social media directors, my mom, your dad, journalists, editors, media operatives on the dole, project development specialists, audio engineers, videographers, church goers, Jimmy Johns’ CEO, and PR/marketing/ad firm bozos.

We are praying for downtown and its emotional health after the horrific events of 6/25. Please pray with us.  (10 seconds, pause, breathe, think about pizza, fried chicken… Baked ham soup, ok, that’s what you deserve? That’s what you need to feel better, Rockford? Done, prayer granted!)

We are also so sorry that you people believe in dragons, but we are concerned that it hurts your internet feelings.  To prove how sorry we are for your downtown internet feelings, here’s a free baked ham soup certificate to our favorite downtown ristoranté!  Good for a year beginning TODAY. You’re welcome, and thank us later.

We are still praying for downtown, pray with us?

 

 

 


Related Articles

Air Horse One Sent in To Save Horsies From Rockford Ponies

Rockford, IL –  The emergence of evil, unethical and greedy Rockford Ponies brought a savior for our nice, hard working

The Olympic Tavern

Kate’s Complaint Corner Letters of honest complaints from an honest Kate. I was asked last week whether I was aware

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.