Popular Dating Site Removes Rockford Area Singles From Search Results

23 Dec, 2014

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Rockford, IL – The popular online dating site, TinderBoxMatch.com, will make things a little easier for single people who want to meet quality single people come January 2015.

“In order to improve the quality results that we want to provide our single customers who are seeking love, free meals or some sexual exercise outside of Rockford, IL, we’ve decided to filter out Rockford area single people from our match search results.  Meaning, despite likable interests, no one from Beloit, WI, will see Rockford area single people in their match results,” says Jenny Bottoms, a Customer Service Liaison for TinderBoxMatch’s online affairs.

We asked Bottoms, “Why Rockford singles?”, and this is what she said:  “We’ve received many complaints from our customers outside of Rockford, IL, who dated Rockford singles.  Many people of both sexes reported consistent unattractive traits that our company had to review and take action on before whatever has infected Rockford, infects our company.”

We asked Jenny a few more questions about their complaints report.  “What makes Rockford area singles so different from other American single people?” She told us more:

“Where do I begin? Ok, for one, the most common complaint we’ve received is that Rockford area singles don’t use soap.  That’s a major issue with single people from other cities.  Single people want to date other single – and secretly married – people who use soap.  

Secondly, single people from Rockford appear to have more children before the age of 21 than most other communities.  Our customers want to make love with single people who have NO children before the age of 35 for fun and healthy exercise, not for tax exemptions and excuses for free handouts from the state aid programs.

Third, jobs. Rockford single people have no jobs, or two jobs that pays them poorly and doesn’t allow them to travel and date people outside of Rockford.  Our customers have reported that they do not want to travel to Rockford all the time for dinner at Beef-A-Roo and Red Robin.  

Fourth, our report shows that single people in Rockford do NOT like books, music, arts and culture.  We did a profile analytics test and our results also show that single people from Rockford in our database can’t write complete sentences, which means they can’t read either. The strangest statistic matching those poor results were that those single people from Rockford (in our database) were all employed.  Many being teachers!  How odd is that? Very odd, indeed.”

Bottoms explained a few more reasons why TinderBoxMatch.com has made these changes and summed up with, “We’re trying our best to give our customers a higher standard of dating.  Rockford, IL, is the first region we’re filtering out of our search results.  There will be more.  We’re watching Loves Park, Roscoe, Rockton, Machesney Park,Belvidere,Byron,Hinsdale,Los Lobos. We can’t decide if Rockford has infected them, or vice versa.  You’ll know more when we learn less.”

Happy holidays,

JoAnne Rankles