8 Dead, 15 Injured After Local Musician Discovers New McDonalds Sandwich

14 Sep, 2016

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“I warned Him. I told him,‘You don’t know how the internet will react if you post that picture. People could get hurt…’ He just didn’t care.” -Terry Dactyl

Rockford, IL— On the evening of September 9th, 2016, a local musician—who we’ll call Scott—stops to grab the only dinner he can afford on a musician’s income, McDonalds. His wife and 9 cats are at home eagerly awaiting their warm meals. Upon his arrival home, Scott unpacks the food and unexpectedly finds a deformed, monstrosity of a sandwich.

Scott’s ‘Big McFishMac” recklessly upload to Facebook 09-09-2016. Don’t stare too long.

Scott is immediately disgusted by his sandwich! He doesn’t understand how this could have happened. He waited over 2 hours to enjoy this moment, only to end up at home discovering some kind of fish product between his warm buns. (Definitely not what he wants his special sauce on!)

The image of this botched Big Mac terrifies some people while arousing others. Many friends and family, including his wife and cats, advised him to not report the sandwich to the highly-reactive, Rockford internet community; but Scott threw caution to the wind and shared it like chlamydia at the Rue. The photo of his Big Mac with #FriedFish immediately went viral.

1,774 shares, 19 confirmed McFishMac memes and an ill-advised concealed carry permit later, Rockford has its worst fast food related massacre since the 1998 Whopper riots.

One McDonald’s employee was so sick of requests for the McFishMac that he pulled out his Beretta 92D and opened fire on his fellow employees, customers, before turning the weapon on himself.

8 Facebook profiles were killed and deleted forever, while 15 profiles have been severely injured. It may be weeks before they have enough likes and shares to fully heal. RDP (Rick’s Dream Police) aren’t issuing a formal statement until Facebook’s next of kin have been notified. Delays are expected because some of the victims aren’t friends with their parents and children on the Facebook.  Pinterest and SnapChat profiles are still under investigation.

We’ll definitely learn more when we know less.

We here at RKFD News hope you’ll be safe with your fast food on the internet. Please, don’t be like Scott. Fame isn’t worth the pain. Choose happiness!