Portillo’s Cancels Local Restaurant Plans, Blames Rockford
Rockford, IL – 
Portillo’s newest restaurant was supposed to be opening in Rockford this summer, but a press release from Portillo’s Restaurant Group released today shows otherwise.
“We truly thank the citizens of Rockford for their enthusiasm and support of our Chicago-style sandwiches. Unfortunately, at this time, we feel that it is not in our best interest to continue with our expansion into the Rockford market. Rockford seemed like a great place to build — the people just can’t eat enough fast food — but recent events have us reconsidering our plans. The exceedingly high property taxes, worsening crime rate, nightly shootings, and poorly educated work force have forced us to look elsewhere.”
The decision comes as a blow to the Rockfordians who have been patiently waiting for years for the famous Chicago-based restaurant chain.
“It’s friggin’ ridiculous,” says Derg Coughman, the man who started an online campaign to bring Portillo’s to Rockford. “I mean, I understand why they’re doing it. Hell, even I don’t live in Rockford anymore. But we were so close. We had so many signatures – I could almost taste the au jus!”
“I guess when it comes down to delicious sausage sandwiches or bullets, the bullets win,” said Derg.
Related Articles
Free Applebees Meals For Veterans Angers Teachers and Church Goers
Rockford, IL – Applebees, the popular retail restaurant chain, celebrated Veterans Day by offering free meals to America’s military veterans.
Rockford on the Upswing: Looking Forward to 2015
Hi, my name is Rockford. I live in Illinois, it’s fun. People pick on me all the time, but I’m
Tornado Destroys 3 School Buildings
ROCKFORD- At least a dozen houses and three school buildings were destroyed by a tornado that ripped through the Route
Move it to Machesney park on 173 would be better anyway
Love the story!! What’s sad, is the article is so full of truths, the validity is barely suspect. The whole time I’m reading this, im thinking, “probably not, but realistically possible”! People would be upset, but not shocked.
This article is completely FALSE! im a current employee for the Rockford portillos and we still plan on opening june 9th of 2015. Whoever wrote this needs to get their facts straight before posting a lie. I hope to see all of Rockford at our opening day. So sorry this was posted
its a satire page sweetheart *pats head*
Why not move it to Belvidere?
Now we’re talkin!