by Chaz "Jet Lag" Stalmach | August 18, 2016 2:31 PM
The Rockford internet community has done it! With your likes and shares of mugshot postings, you’ve successfully outed and ousted the worst of the worst criminals: Lonely, old, gay men.
These parks will no longer be known as gay hook-up spots and will soon go back to being normal parks for normal #RockfordStyleCrime.
“I’m so sick of those perverted fat pieces of s**t eye-balling me when I’m looking for empty vehicles to crack open! I’m just trying to shoot-up in peace. I don’t wanna see that S**t,” said one very typical Rockfordian who identified himself as “Blaze.”
Blaze wont have to deal with that negative internet data stuff anymore. We, as an internet community, have once again forced the queers back to the closet where they belong—back to Friendster and MySpace!
We asked the DNR (Department of Natural Relationships) for a statement, and had the privilege of speaking with Buck Manning, head of the Illinois DNR. He stated:
Manning continued, naturally and unprompted, to say, “We are truly making Rockford forest preservers great again for America on the internet.”
If you believe in the internet, in Rockford, you wont have gay sex in the parks in Rockford. You’ll have gay sex on the internet in Rockford while your wife is doing Pinterest research and your kids are playing online video games even though you demanded that they turn their iPads off for the night.
Source URL: https://rkfdnews.com/rockford-area-forest-preserves-not-just-for-gay-sex-anymore/
Copyright ©2024 RKFDNews | Be The Solution, Do Good Internet, Learn More To Know Less unless otherwise noted.