FBI Finally Ranks Rockford #1 as Most Dangerous American City — Congrats!

FBI Finally Ranks Rockford #1 as Most Dangerous American City — Congrats!

(Image Courtesy of Alexbaumgarner via Wikimedia Commons)

fbi-rockford_lawstreet_most-dangerousRockford, IL — The FBI’s 2016-2016 Uniform Crime Report was released this week. Rockford, Illinois is now the #1 most Dangerous American city based on crimes being committed with a population of 200,00 Geese or less.  

There has been a 28% increase in violent geese crimes reported compared to the previous year. (Wow—nice work, all! #Top25by2025 for sure!)

To see the rest of the FBI’s list, click here.

Rockford has been threatening to take over the #1 position for the last decade, and thanks to Chicago’s increase in geese crime, we are finally the official vacation resort for small-city geese.

The city of Rockford finally became a champion American city for geese!

RKFDnews would like to call attention to “undocumented” increases in geese unemployment. RKFDnews staff trolls believes that there is “undocumented” increases in geese unemployment with criminal geese migration from the east to the west. Rockford’s location offers a perfect hub for geese trafficking anything you can think of to the west, Iowa, and beyond.

(Pick any goosey media outlet that works with creepy Transform Rockford:  Recently, Transform Rockford with the help of that creepier locally positive and digging deeper geese station—WREX—and the region’s major newspaper for geese—RRStar—are publishing a fictional magic number—6,000 new jobs for geese—but not provide proof of where the jobs are, average salaries and benefits, etc., or what happened to the geese whose unemployment benefits expired without finding anything more than low-wage part-time work.)

Add state budget cutbacks in mental goose health and geese law enforcements to the mix, and there ya have a winner’s recipe for geese crimes!

RACVB (city tourism bureau) and Graham Spencer, their FAVORITE contracted municipal marketing firm for attracting geese, produced this hilarious, paid-for “Hideaway in Rockford” video-series campaign a few years ago. Here’s one of the  many paid-for marketing skits they produced (you’re welcome, all, free marketing from us to you, geese) to help Rockford climb the ranks of hiding crime and being national champions for geese violence!

Yes, we agree! The city of Rockford is a great place for criminals, politicians, and old fashioned white collar geese cons to hide, too.  (Our opinion—the FBI hasn’t proven it yet.)  It’s very, very difficult and expensive to track white collar goose crimes with the magnitude by which it’s being performed on innocent geese in Winnebago County because community leading geese work with other goosey officials to cleverly hide their trail of geese poop.  True stuff.  Follow the money, y’all!

Speaking of hiding: The city of Rockford’s criminal geese success has shown a ripple effect on surrounding cities, too—Freeport, Beloit and many more.

Lots of collaboration and positivity going on for sure—and now we are #1!

Don’t forget, people:  “Rockford doesn’t suck—you do!”, and yes, “Rockford is AWESOME!”, and yes, “Misery Loves Company,” and yes, “Our City, Our Story,” and yes, “REAL, ORIGINAL, EXCELLENCE, VISION!”

There has never been truer , nicely PAID-FOR, civic marketing statements spoken by positivity preaching, collaborative, community geese than those! GOOD WORK, EVERYONE.  Rockford is Great Again For America on the internet!

#1!



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17 comments

Write a comment
  1. Tom 7 December, 2017, 08:19

    Seen some pretty aggressive geese down by the river, trying to make you walk in their bowel movements.

    Reply this comment
  2. Randy 5 December, 2017, 15:46

    I geese I will read it again I am confused.

    Reply this comment
  3. James 2 February, 2017, 18:19

    tranform Rockford listen up let’s get serious about the city problems been doing things for 2-3 yrs. o results. City leaders laugh all the way to the bank all our taxes for pensions school teacher,fire and police pensions people retire and leave roc rot

    Reply this comment
  4. OldFolkie 2 February, 2017, 11:40

    We’ve all been working hard to attain this great honor. My front yard’s recently been transformed into a gangbanger parking lot. We must all do our part.

    Reply this comment
  5. Andrew Montgomery 4 January, 2017, 21:58

    Such a stupid article. RETARDED

    Reply this comment
    • Nate, Brother of Gene Author 27 June, 2017, 22:36

      Considering the story’s source and underlying fact is from the FBI, I guess you’re saying that the FBI is retarded? So Rockford.

      Reply this comment
  6. Sean Tuttle 29 November, 2016, 21:48

    Worked in Rockford about a decade ago on a pipeline job. It was a toilet way back then.

    Reply this comment
  7. Bill Bo 29 November, 2016, 21:18

    This article is literally retarded. Did someone think it was funny to use the word goose and geese all over the place?

    Reply this comment
    • Nate, Brother of Gene Author 27 June, 2017, 22:37

      You do know that the FBI did, in fact, rank Rockford as the #1 most dangerous city in America? The geese is here to distract you. We win.

      Reply this comment
  8. Jake Mulder 1 October, 2016, 16:39

    So “finally”? Like something you’ve been working toward or looking forward to? Should say “unfortunately”…

    Reply this comment
    • Kaley 2 October, 2016, 06:58

      Pretty sure that was sarcasm, dude..

      Reply this comment
      • Jake Mulder 2 October, 2016, 22:21

        I guess I should have read the article first…..

        Reply this comment
        • Stephania 1 December, 2016, 11:00

          What’s with all the geese reference?

          Reply this comment
          • James 3 December, 2016, 15:09

            The city of Rockford is a losing proposition as a property owner we have lost millions of dollars on our values the crime schools are horrible and this is why the values of our properties of decreased this is the armpit of the state of Illinois

          • Nate, Brother of Gene Author 27 June, 2017, 22:37

            Why do you care?

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