2013 FIRST ROCKFORD BABY – Larson Dontel Svaydohlberg the IIIrd

01 Jan, 2013

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Rockford, IL’s first born baby of 2013: Larson Dontel Svaydohlberg the IIIrd and his father, Chadwhick Svaydohlberg the IInd, celebrate the birthing mother’s disappearance to Los Angeles, CA

Rockford, IL –  Larson Dontel Svaydohlberg the IIIrd was the Rockford area’s first born baby at 12:00:08 AM on January 1st, 2013.  The young male boy was born to a single father, Chadwhick Svaydohlberg the IInd.

The wandering mother was there to give the region it’s first of many births and yelled out loud during the finale at the roomful of doctors, nurses and family members, “I’m outta here, I needs to find Lisa and Rick, get drunk and head to LA ASAP!”

LaQuondathon Smithson-Anderson jumped up from the surgeon’s table and ran out of Swedish American Hostpital to the nearest bar to enjoy her first drink in two months.   “There are no reasons for anyone to locate her”, according to the newborn’s father’s father and the rest of his nice, quiet family.

Chadwhick said, “It’s for the better of Larson and I that LaQuondathan spreads her party wings while she still can.  She had a hard time keeping away from the booze and cigarettes during the pregnancy.  Her friends are not good influences. They still enjoy LT’s after work with the warehouse guys from WalMart. Little Larson and I will wait for her to return with a family’s open arms. If she wants to.  My girlfriend, Kacey, and I are taking Larson to ski next week in Baraboo, Wisconsin. Baby’s first vacation… maybe we’ll move there if LaQuondathon doesn’t move back home.  Her sister, Julie, says she might stay in LA with Rick, not Lisa.  I don’t know.  What a wonderful honor to birth Rockford’s first 2013 baby!”

Congratulations to Larson and his family from RKFDNews.com and everyone in Rockford, IL.

– JoAnne Rankles