Allergens Wreaking Havoc With Locals

13 Sep, 2012

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Walgreens’ OTC Drug Sales Spike To Record Highs

The very dry summer and late frost this spring have caused pollen and other allergens to be rampant and many Rockford locals are blowing their noses and dollars on both medicinal and home remedies in order to be able to breath through their noses and genitals.

A local Walgreens representative spoke to us stating that, “… the pollen and dry air this time of year can have adverse effects for people . Their are many new cases of “Hay fever” sprouting up that many Rockfordians have never had symptoms towards in the past.   It’s a disaster for the porn industry to deal with, but it’s typically wonderful for the kleenex and prescription drug industry. Sales are the bottom line.”

Allergens and pollens from grasses and other plants trigger the production of the antibody immunoglobulin which binds with mast cells and basophils containing histamine.  This is also known as “pollinosis” and “sinualocity”.  The production of Histamine, an inflammatory mediator, has different effects on both sexes.  Males are likely to experience symptoms of sneezing , itchy ear lobes, emotional watery eyes, swelling of the nasal passages and testicals as well as an increase in semen and mucus production.  In females, swollen breasts, depression, emotional thinking patterns that offset what would be normal logical results into disasters, uncontrollable tears and gray hairs are likely to occur.

“There are many over the counter remedies which on a whole provide the body with antihistamines and this drug will relieve the mucus buildup and swelling of the nasal & urinary passages.” said Tim, the Walgreens representative. He would not speak on the record about home remedies but he did suggest that the ingestion of local honey can subdue your allergies and make the body immune to floral pollens.  Tim also added to, “… be on alert for sexually active bees especially if you are allergic to bee stings.”