Free Labor Jobs Disguised as “Volunteer” Positons Discovered In Hopeless, Poor, Unemployed City

Free Labor Jobs Disguised as “Volunteer” Positons Discovered In Hopeless, Poor, Unemployed City
 © Photo courtesy of

© Photo courtesy of

Rockford, IL –  Local businesses are finally seeking qualified individuals for filling job positions again.

A few job requirement catches you must fulfill:  You must have a great attitude, hard work ethics, abilities to smile through snow and rain, know something really special about Rockford that others might not know that you can brag about, and have a strong desire to work for free in exchange for a free jacket and/or shirt. (No paycheck until you earn it.)

Note, you must not mention one word about high unemployment, property taxes, criminal activity per capita, a shitty school district, terrible roads, and obesity.  Don’t even think about mentioning stupidity and complacency, but feel free to brag about the great pizza joints and our amazing arts community that no one in the community actually supports with money made of paper and metals.

If you follow these simple rules–and you have no other special skills, dreams, and visions to kill your time with–you’re the perfect candidate for working for free!

Here are two local employers connected to the city’s government somehow who need free laborers.  Don’t ever think twice about asking why a marketing is being paid to market these institutions while they seek to employ free labor for jobs they need to fill internally.  DON’T THINK ABOUT IT. Apply below and reference us:

Chicago-Rockford International Airport

Burpee Art Museum

P.S.: From’s staff to both institutions and to the ad firms they pay top dollar to to help them market their businesses–and to every Rockford business that practices a free labor tactic with a “volunteerism”excuse for “serving the community”–we hope you find the right employees with decent attitudes to groom into paid positions one day while you politely go f*©k yourselves.

– Chief Tchad Beale

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