Man Wearing Snorkel Attacks Clerk
ROCKFORD, IL – A man described by witnesses as wearing “a smoking jacket, snorkel, and some sort of large gold belt buckle” attacked a clerk at the Git Sum Market at the corner of South Main early this morning. He did not want any money, but he did want the clerk to dance with him. She said “Yes”; but when he asked her to “Put some skittles down my snorkel, Lady!”, she refused and he attacked her.
More on this story when we are ready to start typing again.
– Jay Vannigan
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