State’s Attorney Says No To Squirt Guns, Yes To Vowels

20 Sep, 2012

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Rockford, IL- State’s Attorney, Joe Bruscato, disappointed the Winnebago County Board and many local Caucasians last night by telling them that he does not support Conceal Carry of Squirt Guns. The room appeared disgruntled and quite pasty with his opinions.

Jerry Vision, a local Rockford native who believes in using his fists said, “Winnebago County citizens are completely afraid of using their fists to fight the good fight because they are weaklings.  They would prefer having a toy gun to stop crime when it happens.  Cheap. In my day, we beat the f__king s__t out of someone when they crossed the line or put us on defense.”

Bruscato explained to the angry white people in the board room, “I know you are upset but here’s the bright side.  I highly support all locals whose last names end in vowels.  That goes for ‘a, e, i, o, and u, but not y.”

Winnebago County Caucasians fight for gun rights. Those who oppose them say they should learn how to use their fists first.

Lily Fulton yelled from her seat, “WHY NOT Y, JOE?”, and Joe shot back, “Why you ask?  Because I support ‘who, what, when, where, and how, but not why. Is that a good enough answer for you, ma’am?”

Winnebago County citizens were so upset that they went out and got drunk again.  Many started fights with nice people that they couldn’t finish with their fists.  Tom McGee told us, “Bunch of B.S.  If I had my AK47 double pump squirt gun, I’d won.  Eat  it Bruschetta!”

We like Joe and we love bruschetta.  If anyone would like to prepare our staff enough bruschetta for 8 people one day, please contact us at: [email protected]