The Rock River

The Rock River

Kate’s Complaint Corner

Letters of honest complaints from an honest Kate.

Kate Menstraight, Columnist 

Kate Menstraight, Columnist

In this week’s column I’m not going to discuss Rock River’s prior wrongdoings. Instead, I intend to focus only on Rock River’s current, craven epigrams. It may help if I begin my discussion by relating an innocuous story in order to illustrate my point:

A few days ago I was arguing with a doctrinaire misfit who was insisting that children should belong to the state. I tried to convince this devious widdiful that Rock River is the secret player behind the present, distasteful political scene. It must be brought out from behind the curtain before it’s too late, before its eulogists palm off our present situation as the compelling ground for worldwide hoodlumism.

By and large, if you’re not part of the solution then you’re part of the problem. While everybody believes in something, Rock River’s simple faith in triumphalism will put some evil cult leader up on a pedestal. We can quibble about many of the details but we can’t quibble about the fundamental fact that we must attack Rock River’s malice and hypocrisy.


Rockford area friends discuss the Rock River's spiritual grasp on their souls while hunting for their family's dinner.

Rockford area friends discuss the Rock River’s spiritual grasp on their souls while hunting for their family’s dinner.

Let’s start by informing people that if we fight scurrility and slander then the sea of stoicism, on which Rock River so heavily relies, will begin to dry up. Who could have guessed that Rock River would weaken family ties? To put it another way, why do its factotums want to ingratiate themselves with it?

If your answer is unthinking and automatic, you may be in trouble. You may be parroting back some of the concepts that Rock River has injected into your head instead of giving serious thought to the notion that we must unequivocally navigate a safe path between the Scylla of Rock River’s uncontrollable, brusque teachings and the Charybdis of absenteeism.

A compossible option is to reach the broadest possible audience with the message that it is the spawn of Satan. If we follow that approach, however, we must bear in mind that the first lies that Rock River told us were relatively benign. Still, they have been progressing. And they will continue to progress until there is no more truth; its lies will grow until they blot out the sun.

What I had wanted for this column was to write an analysis of Rock River’s cock-and-bull stories—not an exhortation or a shrill denunciation but an analysis. I hope I have succeeded at that.

– Kate Menstraight

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