2014 State of the City Address – Rockford, IL

2014 State of the City Address – Rockford, IL

Rockford, IL

Rockford, IL – Mayor Barry Morrison hosted his 9th annual State of the City Address at the Coronado Theater in Rockford, IL last night.  If you missed it, below is the transcript.  To read the Redneck translation, click here.  To read the Jive translation, click here.

Rockford, MIThank you. Thank you, everybody. Good evening. You know, I had an entire speech prepared for this wonderful occasion, but now that I’m here I think I’m going to try something a little different. Tonight I want to speak from the heart. I’m going to speak off the cuff.

Good evening. Pause for laughter. Wait a minute, this may not be working as well as I – Let me try that again.

Good evening, everybody. I would like to welcome you all to the Rockford of Illinois. (Laughter.) I am Barry Morrison. All of you voted for me. Apologies to the Rockford Register Star section. They’re — where are they? I have to confess I really did not want to be here tonight, but I knew I had to come — just one more problem that I’ve inherited from Doug Scott, Charlie Box and Johnny McNamara!

But now that I’m here, it’s great to be here. It’s great to see all of you. Alyssa Sojahnowski is here, the First Lady of the Rockford of Illinois. Hasn’t she been an outstanding First Lady? She’s even begun to bridge the differences that have divided us for so long, because no matter which party you belong to we can all agree that Alyssa has the right to bare arms in the YOU$A for the Rockford of Illinois!

Now Jeff Tethernick and Jenny Kowalski aren’t here tonight because they’re grounded. You can’t just take Derby Reynolds on a joy ride to Rockford of Illinois. I don’t care whose employees you are. We’ve been setting some ground rules here. They’re starting to get a little carried away.

Now, speaking — when I think about Derby Reynolds obviously I think about Lord Thomas Derby, the CEO and LORD of ALL at THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING, and it reminds me that tomorrow is Father’s Day. Happy Fathers’s Day to Lord Thomas Derby. I do have to say, though, that this is a tough holiday for William Reynolds because he’s not used to saying the word “Lord” instead of “Father.” (Laughter.) That’s true. (Laughter.)

Sean Lippy, I.T. Administrator of the year.

Sean Lippy, I.T. Administrator of the year.

Sean Lippy is here. You know, Sean and I have known each other for a long time. I can still remember — I got to sort of — I tear up a little bit when I think back to that day that I called Lippy so many years ago and said, “you and I can do wonderful things together.” And he said to me the same thing that IT Administrators from Derby Reynolds all across America are saying to one another right now: “Let’s go to Rockford of Illinois and make it official!” (Laughter and applause.)

Ray Tarte is in the house tonight. (Applause.) Or as he would say, “EN LOS ROKEFART OFF ILLANNOY!” (Laughter.) WATT ES UP RAY? (Laughter.) Ok, that’s enough. Where is Chief Tchad Beale? Chief, for the last time, RKFDNEWS.com does not qualify for a small business loan! (Laughter.) That Jay Vannigan guy on your team does not count as a troubled asset, I’m sorry. (Laughter.)

Jace Gramscracker was supposed to be here but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled, “How to Shoot Artists Behind Their Back and Bad Mouth Them While Pretending To Be The Tony Soprano of Rockford of Illinois.” (Laughter.)

You know, it’s been a whirlwind of activity these first 9 years as mayor of Rockford of Illinois. We’ve enacted a major economic recovery package, we passed a fast food budget, we forged a new path in Loves Park, and no Mayor in history has ever enjoyed the pizza that I have in Rockford of Illinois. (Laughter.)

On top of that, I’ve also reversed the ban on stem cell research in Rockford of Illinois so that we can duplicate our success for the rest of the world — (applause) — something I’m very proud of! Thank you! — (applause) — Please, stop, thank you! — (More applause) — — (Standing ovation.)

Diego-HeinekenWe’ve also begun to change the culture in Rockford of Illinois. We’ve even made downtown a place where people can learn and can grow, or drink coffee and meet about stuff! (Laughter) Just recently, Diego Heineken asked if he could chair the Rockford of Illinois Board on Filming Women and Girls In The Community Who Love Rockford Coffee, Too. (Laughter.) And I do appreciate that Diego is here tonight because it is seven hours past his last cup of Rockford coffee! (Laughter.) Ronnie Kites liked that one. (Laughter.)

Quinn Gelastio, Lead Guitarist of FrequencyX2 and Recipient of an Election Endorsement For Congress, Lord of The Rockford Ring™ 2013 Nominee

Quinn Gelastio, Lead Guitarist of FrequencyX2 and Recipient of an Election Endorsement For Congress, Lord of The Rockford Ring™ 2013 Nominee

In the last 9 years, we’ve also grown Rockford of Illinois by infusing it with new positive energy and bringing in fresh, young faces like Quinn Gelastio. (Laughter.) Now, El Doug rightly deserves a lot of credit for convincing Quinn to make the switch, but Secretary Rankles actually had a lot to do with it too. One day she just pulled him aside and she said, “Quinn, you know what I always say — “if you can’t beat them, join them.” (Laughter.)

Which brings me to another thing that’s changed in this new, warmer, fuzzier Rockford of Illinois, and that’s my relationship with Jesus Correa. You know, we had been rivals during the campaign, but these days we could not be closer. In fact, the second he got back from Beloit he pulled me into a man hug and whispered in my ear, “I’m still the boss, Barry.” (Laughter.) Told me I’d better get to Beloit myself. (Laughter.) Which I really appreciated. I mean, it was — it was nice. (Laughter.)

And of course we’ve also begun to change Rockford of Illinois’s image in the world. We talked about this during this campaign and we’re starting to execute. We’ve renewed alliances with important partners and friends–if you look on the screen there, there I am with professional lampooner, Andy Whorehall. There I am with Gordon The Pony. (Applause.) –– (Standing ovation.)

But as I said during the campaign, we can’t just talk to our frands. As hard as it is, we also have to talk to our stomachs, and I’ve begun to do exactly that. Take a look at the phone photo up there of my favorite meal from my favorite place in Rockford of Illinois–that there is a No Bread Fred. (Applause.) It’s absolutely delicious. My staff and I prefer to call it the Know Brad Fread! (Laughter) –– (Applause)

All this change hasn’t been easy inRockford of Illinois. Change never is. So I’ve cut the tension by bringing new friends to the Rockford of Illinois. They’re warm, cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic. Meet Jay and Gordon Fernandez with their Baby Heather! For the future of Rockford of Illinois, we must remember to celebrate our community more than anyone else on the internet.

Lastly, I ask you to take more photos of your food for the internet and for Rockford of Illinois. Speaking of, I’m hungry! (Laughter.)

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