2014 State of The City Address – Rockford, IL (Jive Version)

2014 State of The City Address – Rockford, IL (Jive Version)

Rockford, IL

Rockford, IL – Mayor Barry Morrison hosted his 9th annual State of the City Address at the Coronado Theater in Rockford, IL last night.  If you missed it, below is a Jive translation of the original transcript (which you can also read on our site by clicking here).  You can also read the Redneck translation of the mayors speech by clicking here.

Rockford, MIDank ya’. Dank ya’, everybody. Slap mah fro! Good evenin’. You’s know, ah’ had an entire speech prepared fo’ dis wonderful occasion, but now dat I’m here ah’ dink I’m goin’ t’try sump’n some little different. Man! Tonight ah’ wanna rap fum de heart. Man! I’m goin’ t’rap off de cuff.

Good evenin’. Pause fo’ laughter. Ah be baaad… Wait some minute, dis may not be wo’kin’ as well as ah’ – Let me try dat again. ‘S coo’, bro.

Good evenin’, everybody. Slap mah fro! ah’ would likes t’welcome ya’ all t’de Rockfo’d uh Illinois. (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) ah’ am Barry Mo’rison. ‘S coo’, bro. All uh ya’ voted fo’ me. Apologies t’de Rockfo’d Regista’ Star secshun. Dey’re — where is dey? ah’ have t’confess ah’ real dun did not wanna be here tonight, but ah’ knowed ah’ had t’come — plum one mo’e problem dat I’ve inherited fum Doug Scott, Charlie Box and Johnny McNamara! Right on!

But now dat I’m here, it’s great t’be here. It’s great t’see all uh ya’. Alyssa Sojahnowski be here, de Fust Lady uh de Rockfo’d uh Illinois. Hasn’t she been an outstandin’ Fust Lady? She’s even begun t’bridge da damn differences dat gots divided us fo’ so’s long, cuz’ no matta’ which party ya’ belong t’we kin all agree dat Alyssa gots de right t’bare arms in de YOU$A fo’ de Rockfo’d uh Illinois! Right on!

Now Jeff Tedernick and Jenny Kowalski ain’t here tonight cuz’ dey’re grounded. You’s kin’t plum snatch Derby Reynolds on some joy ride t’Rockfo’d uh Illinois. ah’ duzn’t care whose employees ya’ are. We’ve been settin’ some ground rules here. Dey’re startin’ t’get some little carried away. Slap mah fro!

Now, rappin’ — when ah’ dink about Derby Reynolds obviously ah’ dink about Lo’d Domas Derby, de CEO and LORD uh ALL at THE WAL-MART OF ADVERTISING, and it reminds me dat tomo’row be Fader’s Day. Slap mah fro! Happy Faders’s Day t’Lo’d Domas Derby. Slap mah fro! ah’ do gots’ta say, dough, dat dis be a tough holiday fo’ William Reynolds cuz’ he’s not used t’sayin’ de wo’d “Lo’d” instead uh “Pops.” (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) Dat’s true. (Laughter. Ah be baaad…)

Sean Lippy be here. You’s know, Sean and ah’ have knode each oda’ fo’ some long time. ah’ can still rememba’ — ah’ gots’ta radical — ah’ tear down some little bit when ah’ dink back t’dat day dat ah’ called Lippy so’s many years ago and said, “ya’ and ah’ can do wonderful doodads togeder. Ah be baaad…” And he said t’me da damn same doodad dat IT Administrato’s fum Derby Reynolds all across America is sayin’ t’one anoda’ right now, dig dis: “Let’s go t’Rockfo’d uh Illinois and make it official! Right on!” (Laughta’ and applause.)

Ray Tarte be in de crib tonight. Man! (Applause.) Or as he would say, “EN LOS RCoo’EFART OFF ILLANNOY! Right on!” (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) WATT ES UP RAY? (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) Ok, dat’s enough. Lop some boogie. Where be Chief Tchad Beale? Chief, fo’ de last time, RKFDNEWS.com duz not qualify fo’ some small business loan! Right on! (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) Dat Jay Vannigan dude on yo’ team duz not count as some troubled asset, I’m so’ry. Slap mah fro! (Laughter. Ah be baaad…)

Jace Gramscracka’ wuz supposed t’be here but he be very busy wo’kin’ on his memoirs, tentatively titled, “How t’Shoot Artists Behind Deir Back and Baaaad Moud Dem While Pretendin’ To Be De Tony Soprano uh Rockfo’d uh Illinois.” (Laughter. Ah be baaad…)

You’s know, it’s been some whirlwind uh activity dese fust 9 years as mayo’ uh Rockfo’d uh Illinois. We’ve enacted some majo’ economic recovery package, we passed some fast food budget, we fo’ged some new alley in Loves Park, and no Mayo’ in histo’y gots eva’ enjoyed da damn pizza dat ah’ have in Rockfo’d uh Illinois. (Laughter. Ah be baaad…)

On top uh dat, I’ve also reversed da damn ban on stem cell research in Rockfo’d uh Illinois so’s dat we kin duplicate our success fo’ de rest uh de wo’ld — (applause) — sump’n I’m real proud of! Right on! Dank ya’! Right on! — (applause) — Please, stop, dank ya’! Right on! — (Mo’e applause) — — (Standin’ ovashun.)

We’ve also begun t’change da damn culture in Rockfo’d uh Illinois. We’ve even made waaay downtown some place where sucka’s kin learn and kin grow, o’ drink coffee and meet about stuff! Right on! (Laughter) Just recently, Diego Heineken ax’ed if he could chair de Rockfo’d uh Illinois Bo’d on Filmin’ Honky chicks and Goats In De Community Who Love Rockfo’d Coffee, Too. ‘S coo’, bro. (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) And ah’ do appreciate dat Diego be here tonight cuz’ it be seven hours past his last cup uh Rockfo’d coffee! Right on! (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) Ronnie Kites likesd dat one. (Laughter. Ah be baaad…)

In de last 9 years, we’ve also grown Rockfo’d uh Illinois by infusin’ it wid new positive energy and brin’in’ in fresh, yung faces likes Quinn Gelastio. ‘S coo’, bro. (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) Now, El Doug rightly deserves some lot uh credit fo’ convincin’ Quinn t’make da damn switch, but Secretary Rankles actually had some lot t’do wid it too. ‘S coo’, bro. One day she plum pulled him aside and she said, “Quinn, ya’ know whut ah’ always say — “if ya’ kin’t whup’ dem, join dem. WORD!” (Laughter. Ah be baaad…)

Which brin’s me t’anoda’ din’ dat’s changed in dis new, warmer, fuzzia’ Rockfo’d uh Illinois, and dat’s mah’ relashunship wid Jesus Co’rea. WORD! You’s know, we had been rivals durin’ de campaign, but dese days we could not be closer. Ah be baaad… In fact, de second he gots back fum Beloit he pulled me into some man hug and whispuh’ed in mah’ ear, “I’m still de Man, Barry. Slap mah fro!” (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) Told me I’d betta’ get t’Beloit mah’self. (Laughter. Ah be baaad…) Which ah’ real appreciated. ah’ mean, it wuz — it wuz supa fine. (Laughter. Ah be baaad…)

And uh course we’ve also begun t’change Rockfo’d uh Illinois’s image in de wo’ld. We rapped about dis durin’ dis campaign and we’s startin’ t’execute. We’ve renewed alliances wid impo’tant partners and homeys–if ya’ look on de screen dere, dere ah’ am wid professional lampooner, Andy Who’ehall. Dere ah’ am wid Go’don De Pony. Slap mah fro! (Applause.) –– (Standin’ ovashun.)

But as ah’ said durin’ de campaign, we kin’t plum talk t’our frands. As hard as it is, we also gots’ta rap t’our stomachs, and I’ve begun t’do ‘esactly dat. Man! Snatch some look at da damn phone photo down dere uh my favo’ite meal fum mah’ favo’ite place in Rockfo’d uh Illinois–dat dere be a No Bread Fred. (Applause.) It’s absolutely delicious. Mah’ staff and ah’ prefa’ to call it da damn Know Brad Fread! Right on! (Laughter) –– (Applause)

All dis change ain’t been easy inRockfo’d uh Illinois. Change neva’ is. So’s I’ve cut da damn tension by brin’in’ new homeys t’de Rockfo’d uh Illinois. Dey’re warm, cuddly, loyal, endusiastic. Co’ got d’ beat! Meet Jay and Go’don Fernandez wid deir Baby Header! Right on! Fo’ de future uh Rockfo’d uh Illinois, we gots’ta rememba’ to celebrate our community mo’e dan any sucka else on de internet. Man!

Lastly, ah’ ax’ ya’ t’snatch mo’e photos uh yo’ food fo’ de internet and fo’ Rockfo’d uh Illinois. Rappin’ of, I’m hungry! Right on! (Laughter. Ah be baaad…)

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