Bill 778 Heading For Approval

01 May, 2013

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ROCKFORD, IL – The people have screamed about crime and yelled at bikers this season. Now, because of the demand for action, Durand lawmakers are heading further down the food chain and targeting the sometimes lovable, sometimes vicious, but always photogenic homeless people.

Bill 778 appears to be blasting toward approval.  It would make it a crime to feed anyone who is homeless. It is a fact that some people find adorable but can become a menacing health threat, according to the State Homeless Intelligence Team (S.H.I.T)

Destiny Alhopeesgon said, “a homeless child bit my son Althorio. He was in seventh grade at the time, now he be doing it up right in eighth grade, bitches.” She supports Senate Bill 778, too.

Senator Billy Kirkland, who appeared in front of the House Agriculture and Natural Resources Committee, confessed, “Without a hint of remorse, I’m proud to be a homeless feeder but it’s getting to be too expensive.”

He went on to talk about his homeless friend, Andy. “He would go fishing with me. All you had to do was say, ‘Let’s go fishing, Andy’, and he would crawl in the old Ford and fish all day with me with his clothes off.  In a tire tube on the Kishwaukee lake, we played footsy once.”

On Monday, lawmakers took a break from taxes, budgets and pension reforms, to zero in on an issue that quite literally hits people where they live.

The homeless-feeding bill includes:  A broader law that focused on people who feed more dangerous homeless people. At the time, lawmakers were addressing a situation in which a Winnebago County woman had been feeding homeless children in her yard. She eventually was cited and arrested for harassing wildlife.

“Homeless people can be extremely furry and cuddly and beautiful in the wild, but when you start to feed them and habituate them, they can be very nasty,” said Randy Jerken, bill 778’s chief sponsor.

Remarks by members of the House committee are an indication that homeless people will have to return to relying on their natural cunning instincts–not handouts–for food.

“In the city of Durand, homeless people are a real problem,” said Elenor Bigsbee, a Republican who lives there. “A couple of them ran after my husband.” She wasn’t pleased.

How do you feel about Bill 778?  Who’s going to pay for it?  You will.

Jay Vannigan