Hungry Burglars Hit Dominos and Subway

21 Aug, 2013

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Rockford, IL – Several hungry burglars attacked local businesses just before midnight tonight. Children riding their bikes after curfew on a school night witnessed 2 starving crooks throwing bricks through the window of the Dominos at 2922 N Main St. in Rockford.

Reports state that the suspects are “a white man in white chinos and a woman with a baby backpack on.” The children did not identify a baby but it is possible.  They were last seen southbound in a chianti colored Audi station wagon. Details are limited right now but word on the wire came across that “18 large frozen pepperoni pizzas and 16 dozen bags of frozen chicken wings were stolen”.  Yummie!

A short time later across town at 2405 Charles St, Subway was broken into by another starving thief.  A black male, 6’2, with a larger body build and thick, straight reddish-blonde hair (possible wig) was last seen in a silver Honda Civic going southbound on 23rd St.  Witnesses nearby saw the man carrying 2 big handfuls of foot long subs to his Honda.  The types of subs are unknown but a Subway spokesperson said that “the man had enough time to prepare and walk out with at least 24 spicy italian sandwiches on white or wheat cheddar herb bread.  Whether they would have time to toast their sandwiches or not, we don’t know yet.”  Subway sandwich scientists will file their toasting results with the Rockford Area Dream Police later next week.

If you have any information please call Dominos for a large pizza. Free delivery may not apply.  Subway will reopen in the morning and don’t worry, plenty of salami, breads and cheeses are on their way to Rockford in a blue semi-truck.