Happy Ending for Kryptonite Bar Owner Chris Wachowafcheski

02 Mar, 2016

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Rest easy friends. I know how worried you were when you heard Kryptonite was closing. You’ve probably heard the rumors that Rockford Art Deli was planning to buy the bar and turn it into an all age venue. We’re relieved to tell you, that is not the case. Local entrepreneur Ho Chi Chen has struck a deal with Chris Wachowafcheski and plans have been set in  motion to turn Kryptonite into Rockford Nut n’ Bolt, our first upscale Thai massage parlor.

“It’s a bitter sweet moment. I’ll miss the events and the people, but Im ready to focus on my family and my jaw harp career. Mostly, I’m gonna miss the Rum Buckets and hosting my favorite bands like, My God the Heat and Werewolf Lesbians.” said Wachowafcheski. A single tear began to roll down his face. His upper lip quivered. I could see how much this place meant to him.

Don’t feel bad for Chris. He’s got a lot going on! His wife is a babe, his kids are adorable and he has saved enough to move his family out of this shit hole city to Bermuda and start a micro-pub. Feel bad for yourself… What have you done with your life? That’s right, nothing.

See you soon Nut n’ Bolt! till then lets throw back some rum buckets and party like it’s 2002!

-Hank