Mustaches are stupid…..

Mustaches are stupid…..

ROCKFORD–
Dear anyone (and everyone) who has ever considered cutting a mustache out of felt and putting it on, well, anything,

It’s time to let go. Not only is your fascination with this variety of facial hair a little disturbing, it’s a little late.

The mustache (as it’s currently known in embroidered pillow,t-shirt, and finger tattoo form) entered saturated popular culture around the same time you started drawing them on your enemy’s middle school year book photo.

This brings us to five reasons why it’s time for the mustache to quietly die.

5. You don’t even have one.
Mustaches — we’ll explain because you likely don’t have one — are known to collect crumbs, milk foam, and other flavors we won’t go into. And if you’re not willing to sport one, neither should your pillow or t-shirt.

​4. They’re infecting every handmade product on Etsy.
There are almost 11,000 things for sale that have been printed, painted, branded, or sculpted into a mustache. That, friends, is stupid.

3. Because they are stupid.

2. Hairy lips sink ships or businesses.

1. Hipsters still think they are cool.


Related Articles

Multiple Reports of an Angry “Poltergoose” Near Rock River

Rockford – As the fog rolled in, late Friday night, near the Nicholson Conservatory and Hardware Poké-Stop, low-pitched, angry honking

Loose Lips, Tight Pants, Keeps Rockford Man Looking For Love in 2015

Rockford, IL – Brad Hinnasborgcorona-Morrissey, single 28 year old Rockford man, is happy as he approaches 2015. “I’ve got loose

LATCH ON ROCKFORD

ROCKFORD—- We cannot write this stuff so we are giving you the screenshot from the RR Star.. We take no

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.