Mustaches are stupid…..

Mustaches are stupid…..

ROCKFORD–
Dear anyone (and everyone) who has ever considered cutting a mustache out of felt and putting it on, well, anything,

It’s time to let go. Not only is your fascination with this variety of facial hair a little disturbing, it’s a little late.

The mustache (as it’s currently known in embroidered pillow,t-shirt, and finger tattoo form) entered saturated popular culture around the same time you started drawing them on your enemy’s middle school year book photo.

This brings us to five reasons why it’s time for the mustache to quietly die.

5. You don’t even have one.
Mustaches — we’ll explain because you likely don’t have one — are known to collect crumbs, milk foam, and other flavors we won’t go into. And if you’re not willing to sport one, neither should your pillow or t-shirt.

​4. They’re infecting every handmade product on Etsy.
There are almost 11,000 things for sale that have been printed, painted, branded, or sculpted into a mustache. That, friends, is stupid.

3. Because they are stupid.

2. Hairy lips sink ships or businesses.

1. Hipsters still think they are cool.


Related Articles

Teen Forced Down, Tattooed Against Will

Rockford, IL – A gang of ex-teachers and laid off factory workers shocked a teenager with a tazerstick and tattooed “Rockford”

Peter Venkman Endorses Kleen and Hughes’ Mayoral Campaigns

Rockford, IL – Dr. Peter Venkman, professional Ghostbuster, threw his endorsement hat into the 2013 Rockford Mayoral race for both

Local area restaurants approve Link card for meals..

ROCKFORD– McDonald’s today announced that most of its restaurants will begin accepting the Link card and Wic with immediate effect.

No comments

Write a comment
No Comments Yet! You can be first to comment this post!

Write a Comment

Thank you for spending time with us on the internet. Please waste more time and energy by sharing your internet emotions below:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.